I took a cold shower
I felt icy and sharp
I ran until I couldnt walk
I felt feint and blurry
I punched the wall
I felt angry and trapped
I went to sleep in a tent
I felt achy and itchy
I slapped my friend
I felt horrible and guilty
I made someone smile
I felt happy and special
A contest entry
- Newbies of Allpoetry by SilverWolf.
385 points, ended September 23, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This is new for me...I'd like kids 10-15 to enter ONLY! by SmartBrick.
350 points, ended October 16, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyric Inspired by Age of Rain.
450 points, ended October 28, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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You have some great ideas. Keep writing.
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Very nice!This was awesome!
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aw, a moody poem! =)lol
this was spectacular, i could really feel your emotions! wonderful work! =)
hugglez
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i liked this. when you skive it up like this, it feels like a row of events following each other, witch makes it really quick and fast flowing. when i read it a second time, i realized that it's two rows of cause and effect, witch is interesting. the way you use or not use blank rows makes a lot of difference, it seams. here is a great example of a smart non-use of the blank row.
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Oh my
The mind the most complex and unpredictable thing in the universe . GOOD write here and the results when we let our mind take the lead over thought and not filtering out the bad from the good
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good concept
You have good ideal's, how everything has a cause an effect. I think that's one of the few first life lesson's. The only thing constructive I have to say, is to try wording it a bit deeper and meaning full. Every word cause's you to feel something, some type of emotion, and theres your effect. Thanks for sharing good write. Welcome to the group hope to read more.
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loved it.
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ohhh i love that !!
sooo sad and good!
*Adds to finalist list* -
Very clever title and very interesting poem. The last two lines really make it special. I see you are new to AP (allpoetry). Welcome!
I'm 12 too! If you ever have any questions or want some advice a poem, feel free to send me a message. I hope you keep writing!
Ellie (little-hug)
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Wow. That was different. Cool.
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hah speshuuul.
p.s. nice.
p.p.s. you spelled faint wrong
p.p.p.s. congrats on your first poem. you should enter the newbies contest. its only for new members.
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