A jazzy spoken word piece
Listen while you read
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=4142&ArtistID=9993
On the way across a narrow bridge
A wind with foresight gathered
The bridge's wires tightened tautly
But what is taut, to a man in the loop of slack.
There's not a shimmer winking, nor blinking up high
A cover of absolute darkness absorbed my eyes
Although the water below shared with not one noise
I still knew it was there, swirling and poised.
Behind my gait
lurch torment and confusion
Up ahead, and undiscovered
My future's forbidden.
Although I knocked
As a guest to the door
The echo fell gently
As a feather to floor.
I begged and I screamed
"Won't you please let me in?"
Because without my person present
How will my next day begin?
However, my host did not appear
Or send the servant to attend.
My needs were not many
For the wisdom he could lend.
My knuckles were shredded and torn to the bone
My fingers too shaky to grasp at the knob
My blood turned grease slippery
As my shrieks became sobs.
Nevertheless, you never answered
Your ghost never came
The wind still holds the infant's voice
To mimic all my shame.
I leaned upon the pillar,
And Samson came to mind
But hair is not my strength
Nor the cornmeal I'm to grind.
Now I know that I'm a salesman
Who has never earned commission
A solicitor unpaid,
And left with a decision.
To stand here waiting in remission
Or rather, down that road
For one more door I guess I'm wishing
Oh my gun, I must reload.
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=4142&ArtistID=9993
Author notes
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID4142&ArtistID9993
Written January 22nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- The Dogs of War (A Contest) by Violet Moodswing.
500 points, ended November 12, 2006, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Congrats on the silver! This shines like gold for me. I'm obviously a spoken word freak, and this was a treat. Don't lose your friend on the bass. [Sounds like a stand up bullfiddle to me.
I like the sound of it, kinda Morrisonesque, 1958 soho/er/ish. The unique use of formal rhyme with a sort of free-verse message and style really work.
Just a great read.
Peace, Rob
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Intense
I haven't listened to the recording yet because I already know that it will blow me away so I will allow it to be words on the page until after the contest closes just to be fair to everyone enterred
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That doesnt mean it is any less intense to the eye and the minds ear in written form. It has an almost eerie feel to it and merits multiple reads to get the full impact. I have a feeling that different people assume different meanings based on frame of reference, but I hear the incredible loneliness of reaching a turning point where we must rely entirely on our own inner being to get out of that "loop of slack" or to end up hung by it. Either way it is a lonely place to be.
I am really looking forward to clicking the link to listen after the contest closes
Thanks for enterring. I really enjoyed the read and look forward to reading it again in the future. -
you blow me away with your sweet voice and yourmastery of the words...besides you are really damned good looking....ah, such is life my young friend..here is my applause
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You sure do have a knack for both music and poetry. Keep tying the two together. I think your metaphors and imagery are also very good. Well done
Thundercat -
yayy, this is a great poem! i enjoyed it greatly! i normally get distracted or bored when reading a long poem but this was very much of a treat! thank you for writing it! it was wonderful! =]
♥ -
I really enjoyed this. I also think the graphic set the mood for this spoken piece which I did read out loud. Well done.. Debby
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Enjoyed the spoken poem - great sound and background music to this poem - gives one a different perspective when listening to the words, rather than just reading the words.
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I really liked this. I also get very distracted when reading something lengthy. But I thought this was interesting. I agree the ending added a lot. And the picture was magnificent. Tnanks.
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At first I read it three times.Just because it was so long I'd get destracted by the normal commotions in my home. Ater seeing this as a song lyric,I am more inclined to think it fabulous! But even as a poetic write it is great.~~~Suseann
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I enjoyed this poem and the playing with the words. Drew me in
to read it to untangle it. -
Although I knocked
As a guest to the door
The echo fell gently
As a feather to floor
good stanza.
m -
itz ok i heard it nice
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It makes a great song...I can verify...
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Yah, okay. I'm back again because I decided I really, really like this piece.
I just wanted to see if it echoed. Yep. -
Well Done
Yah. Okay. We got damn bridges again. This, I suppose symbolizes the passage from the cocoon child state to the adult killer persona. The tautness spoken of in the text is a direct reference to the tightness of the woven word and subsequent underlying tonality of the finished piece. Or maybe it's just a bridge, eh?
First thought that came to my mind as I rolled through this (I did stop to drink a fifth of Black Velvet, but only because I was parched in this desert land of yours) was "Hotel California" Horus8 style. And it still reads that way on the way back up.
That, my friend, ain't good nor bad - it just IS. Kinda like a lotta things you didn't get for Christmas. This is a dark cry for a Father who is not at the door, a respectibility that is not at the office and for a life with no future. This is the cry of the Everyman (let's just call him Joe).
The ending twist is killer.
Awesome. I feel more alive after reading this. -
Good poem
Very good poem, excellent effort, a crucible of ideas, perhaps that bridge will lead somewhere with patience.
I've got a book with a bridge on the cover, made from my name,named 'Liberal Ideas'. I heard a sports broadcaster say that the Indiannapolis Colts used the Kansas City Chief defense like a footbridge. It made me think of my bookcover. Bridges are ways to cross difficult places, yet can also permit adversaries in.
One must cross bridges as they arrive...complete the journey,get out of the weather. Contemplate the wonder of the Creation and have faith in Jesus even as the sun is eclipsed and the veil of the temple is rent asunder.
The Universe and brief life through which mankind must journey is a phenomena par excellance. One is within life and yet without, an observer with consciousness of the matter that hasn't thought for-itself. Yet time runs out,age happens as the mode of being.
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