Drip drop drip drop drip,
I hear rain on the window
Softly sing to me
I see you dancing in
The rain outside my window pane.
You’re so beautiful I can’t seem to breathe.
I wish you’d come in from the rain and sit with me.
My most darling dear, my most sweet baby.
I’d like to dance with you outside.
Please say you’ll wait for me
Beautiful Daisy.
A contest entry
- Bottle Up The Rain by Errant Panther.
540 points, ended October 15, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What does this say to you?
Comments
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clear concept and well exucuted syllable count though the last line of the poem has five syllables not four. not to sure if your haiku is exactly to recognised format, but I appreciate your efforts in attempting this new style.
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A good write. I am not sure about the haiku..as far as the first line goes. It is creative. Best to you in the contest.
Sam
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Thank you.
I'm not too sure about the first line either, hah.
Good luck to you as well, if you're in it. I'm too lazy to check and have got loads of homework to do haha.
xx
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