More Than A Number

It's not just a number,
It's the most important number in my life,
And it's too high.
I don't know what to do.
The less I eat the less I weigh,
But it's just not that simple.
And while I'm cursed with very little self-control,
And even less self-esteem,
I don't see how I can help the way I am.
I too big, I know,
And I deserve to be miserable because of it.
I'm too heavy.
And every fiber of my being cries out
For what I wish I was.
For what I should be.
Beautiful,
Thin,
Light...
But I'm just not,
And no amount of wishing will change that.
Sit back and relapse again,
Because there can be no other way.
It's more than a number.
It rule me,
And shall be my downfall.