(here I doubled 6/6/8/8/10/10/8/8/6/6/4/4)
Seasons come and go
but you are forever there
earth bound beverage.
giving your soul to us,
you have released your soul,
oh rain you let us take you in.
Yes, rain you let us take you in
in your heart you have joyfully filled us.
Yes you have very joyfully filled us,
and we drink in your happiness,
we do drink in your happiness,
tho to us you look sad.
Yes you look very sad,
falling like tears,
looking like tears.
Author notes
5/7/5 syllables
6/8/10/12/10/8/6/4 syllables
Why not call it "message in a bottle?"
I didn't do the 6/8/10/12/10/8/6/4 because I've grown really fond of this version. I don't mind not winning trophy, but do hope to stay in contest for lookers to look.
A contest entry
- Bottle Up The Rain by Errant Panther.
540 points, ended October 15, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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hmmm...you didn't follow his form, thus the reason for his contest, but I do like your write.
Sam
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After seeing this piece in my original format it was rather compacted, thus the playing with the format that followed. I like the current format idea but it may still require some tweaking to perfect the desired shape. Not sure this layout actually works the way I envisaged the blended form, but I'm not going to tread on creative thinking.
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Oh, I think your form is great. Makes an awesome perfume bottle and stopper in my opinion.
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