sitting on her hands was not an option
although she had tried standing on them
and that didn't work too well
falling flat on her face
expected to lie there
screaming in torment
she got up
tried again
fell, but got back up
this went on until
finally, she walked
hands as feet
toes high, kicking the clouds
turning right-side-up with red face
she wondered when the other shoe would drop
Author notes
My word - "determined"
A contest entry
- If You Were A Word - What Word Would You Be? by Mad Moon.
600 points, ended October 3, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive critique please.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Dear Poet....
This is simply outstanding, and everything I was looking for in this contest! The language in this is simple, yet profound in its truth.
I couldn't possibly pick out a favorite line or passage. The whole is woven together tightly and expertly. Perfect line breaks to "emphasize" allowing the reader to dwell within your words.
Maybe it's because I can so relate to the subject/word here that I can "feel" every line of this. Then; like the release of a heavy weight from my heart, it springs forth and lifts me to "kick the clouds." LOVE that stanza! I applaud you!!
Thank you for entering, and Good Luck!
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Fantastic imagery I especially enjoyed
she got up
tried again
fell, but got back up
I can't think of a better way to describe the prompt word. Great write and deserving of a thropy. God Bless, Jo-Ann
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Never could. Walk on my hands that is. Bicycles were enough punishment. But you summed it nicely. I can see that word wrapped around you and when the other shoe drops, why worry? You would just deal with it and move on.
Love, Tom B.
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Incredible (as always). Like this lots. Excellent image. Write on and good luck.
Love you,sis.
Dez
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You're good, poet! I love the imagery (and the message) in this wonderful poem.
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Oh great job I liked it....!!
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You nailed determination from the encouragement within the title onwards. The imagery had clarity, loved the way that when your legs didn't take you where they were supposed to you utilized your hands, just like a writer does, inside determination we find deter and termination but also two "I's" for there is that extra bit of individuality within a character that walks the walk any way they can. Kudos.
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Excellent!!! This is very good!!! Obviously she is determined to get around no matter what it may take!!!! I love the lines and the word choice!!!! Fabulous!!! I love it!!
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The lady sure did
have a problem. Maybe the shoes were to tight, or they were miss matched...mac
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