What a gray place, this fantasy-enshrined
cosmic soup noodle in a cauldron of dust;
I think I shall build my abode right here
on this jagged desolation of rocky flotsam,
incognito among the myriad planets-
places with many secrets to hide;
here I shall hide mine…
I journeyed far, meandering,
when I returned footprints lay
leading to my spired gate,
pressed so lightly in the sand...
My secrets stolen, now to trust
that which I would not understand-
that within a loving smile,
and found within her tender hands...
So here we live, revolving, out
sailing 'round among the stars;
a gentle presence softening mine,
a harmony of space and time.
Author notes
picture found at http://mohammed-alsulaiti.deviantart.com/art/Fantasy-95241175
In a list
A contest entry
- Pic Prompt by Riamh.
600 points, ended September 21, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Outstanding, seriously. "my spiraled gate pressed so lightly in the sand"... that was just enough detail to bring this piece alive for me. I dig your poems that make me feel like I've entered another place, instead of just another web address. The settings you make with backgrounds and images really help.
-
The title drew me in, the picture grabbed my attention, and the words had me hooked. This struck me as quite original: "this fantasy-enshrined / cosmic soup noodle in a cauldron of dust". Well penned, my friend.
-
-
thanks for the look- usually when I get a look (comment or not) I go back to evaluate a piece (and usually do some touching-up)- but then some pieces rely on "freshness", and any rework usually kills the freshness- that's what I thought this piece was (by the title, for I had forgotten what it was about- I have several cosmic pieces, some less serious than others)... then I read it again and sure enough- it needed a bit of touching-up (for clarity , imagery, and emotive impact)
-
-
A different take on the prompt. Thank you for entering and best of luck.
Slayer
Adding your comment:
