Once on a time, the ancient legends tell,
She took her place upon the witness stand
Truth, rising from the bottom of her well
Liberty’s words ring false as a cracked bell
She swears upon the Book as rules demand
Once on a time, the ancient legends tell
There hangs her robe of justice on a nail
Hung with teary eye and tremulous hand
Truth, rising from the bottom of her well
Garments smeared by blood of foreign soil
These were our children who died for our lands
Once on a time the ancient legends tell
Vengeance was our reason ~ when towers fell
The holes in earth are filled with wrathful sand
Truth, rising from the bottom of her well
We dig new wells for proof to depths of hell
Then fill them up with gestures, oh so grand
Once on a time the ancient legends tell
Truth, rising from the bottom of her well
Author notes
a Villanelle Collaboration with an Old Poet
I chose to collaborate with Rudyard Kipling for this entry,
much of his writing is based on war and battles.
Many of them can be applied to current events.
Two lines taken from Kipling's poem "The Legend of Truth"
One line taken from Kipling's poem "The Children"
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/21358-Rudyard-Kipling-A-Legend-of--Truth
Once on a time, the ancient legends tell,
Truth rising from the bottom of her well.
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/32828-Rudyard-Kipling-The-Children
These were our children who died for our lands.
A contest entry
- Collab with a Great Poet by Peteskid.
2300 points, ended October 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
a good poem, made me think of the old frontier people. not read mcuh form poetry soince returning, a good villanelle.
-
I very much admire how you parallel Kipling's
own voice with soft sorrow and war unveiled.
This flows elegantly, never losing its mournful
quality. A grand response to this awesome challenge!
Blue
-
Ooh very nicely done indeed
Your formatting was equisitive, and you did a great job to Rudy in the collaboration I believe; quite enjoyed reading this one thank you for sharing it with us!
-
I'm going to try and guess your old poet too before I read... first, the century... not sure... 19th or 20th I'd say, judging by the judiciary system! Now you've added an antiwar aspect to it... so I'd go with the 20th century... now which poet out of thousands... a big name or no... I'd go with not a big name, in which case I am on a learning curve here! So, a minor 20th century poet... English, but British or not... I'd say American, based on the plain, straight-forward diction... OK, I'm going to peek now...
Kipling! Spanned both centuries, but as English as can be...! lol
So now I see the reference to the 'Towers', which must have given me the American notion... so the 'She' must be America, with the "words ringing false" making the piece a represention of the opposition to Bush in Iraq...
-
-
I enjoyed your comment. I'm afraid I would do poorly at guessing at the old poets work.
-
-
A really enjoyable poem my friend. I enjoyed reading it as the images of your words drew ran through my mind. Excellent collaboration with Mr. Kipling.
-
i am amazed at each vilanelle i read in this contest. it was so difficult for me, yet others seem to make it appear easy... i really liked the storyline approach you took with this one. i enjoyed reading this.
-
My goodness. I can't even collab with someone alive! Your poetic talent is awe inspiring, Pat.
"Vengeance was our reason ~ when towers fell
The holes in earth are filled with wrathful sand
Truth, rising from the bottom of her well..."
This got me.
Love, Lane
-
-
Thank you for the comment, your opinion means much!
-
-
I have always enjoyed Kipling's work and I like the way you elaborated on Truth personified. Why do we go to war and sacrifice our young people on foreign soil? You blend your voices in this thoughtful poem. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
-
OOPS! Forgot my
's!
-
Your closing lines really brought this one to a grand conclusion. Nice flow to this, also. Great collab!
-
-
Peteskid has some of the greatest contest themes, such an asset to the winklings and andante!
-
-
Ah Mr Kipling ( not the cakey man) and you go together very well and have produced an excellent write.Good luck Malmadre with this one. ...mal
-
You collaberate well together, though you have asimilated their voices this is your own voice. Smooth flowing rhythm and timeless poetry, the trial of truth is the oldest of debates. So sad that century after century a lot of people die for the beliefs of a few.
Bravo.
-
-
Thanks for reading Yvette! Your views agree with mine.
-
-
Some words bring an idea of truth, others seem to remove any other possibility, yes... our children...the most precious of our gifts, this collaboration reflects the sometimes brutal realism of Kipling and the refrains rise to acquire new and thoughtful meanings to the closing couplet...very well done imagery. An excellent blending of voices against the sacrifices of war and conflict. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
-
A fine collaborator indeed, Kipling. I did enjoy this so much. What a wonderful contribution to this contest. I enjoyed every line. Well done. ~Pamela
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
