Hey, handsome stranger!
I've seen you here before
but never in this light
the haze of boredom
settled like a mask
souls visible in the mirrors
interlocking rings
of condensation
napkins torn like fettucini
the night floats
upon a warm breeze
over brows and shoulders
lace tickling thighs
reminder of the forgotten caress
sighs and averted eyes
lips give pause
telling you
what I wish you'd said
long ago, ages past
with only the flick
of a finger
with a grin
more like a growl
heels tapping pavement
moon over my shoulder
it may as well be winter
Author notes
I don't even know.
A contest entry
- Free Verse Frenzy (Prewites Only) by poetryality.
925 points, ended November 3, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques welcomed
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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There is a wonderful cadence to your words. They almost make me want to dance. This poem reminds me of the times I was out on the town having a ball but when it was over, that is when the real fun began because of the thoughts of the night. I hope that all made sense. LOL
I truly felt these words, almost as if I have been here before. Maybe I was, in another life. Who knows!
You have scribed excellent free verse throughout this poem poet. I must read more of your works.
Thank you for this entry in my contest. Sorry for the comment after judging but as I like to practice what I preach, I had to come back and give constructive critique. Nothing needs any changing here.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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Very interesting! The last line says it all and give a sort of 'what the heck' exclamation mark to your poem. The rhythm and flow is excellent. Overall a good read. Thank you for this contribution.
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original!
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I like the tone it's sexy and the mood is lucid and most specially the details.
napkin tornlike fetucinni
and the lace tickling thighs...oh well wearing this and the feeling it gives us lol
I like the feeling it gives, it invites intimacy...
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Gritty and real, more than a little jaded. Nice rhythm and flow, I like the last line especially. Kudos!
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Like it alot and its really good!!!!!! I have to put mine up too!!! hopefully i get a comment from you when my poems go up! KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!
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Hey now this just isn't bad at all. I like the rythum it gives you. I like the imagery. I like how it shares a story with you and how there is emotion in it as well. You put it all together and what do you have one fine piece of writing here. Thanks for sharing it.
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wow, i liked this poema and enjoyed the flow of it, well done on this write and if you ever want me to comment any more of your poems just send me the link.
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I like the flow of the poem, it runs off the tongue smoothly as I read it aloud (in an undertone, though, so I don't disturb my roommate). You've got some vivid imagery going there--I can see everything as if it were happening to me.
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I can totally feel the atmosphere in a somewhat deserted singles bar. The last line works really well in closing the poem; linking the seasons to the search for love is tried but absolutely true when you use it with skill. You've done this. Great images for creating mood.
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