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The Last Dance

A deep black hole sucked me through
How could i know it wasn't true
I served my head up on a plate
Waking up when it's too late
I knew that song, I remember
I dance it well, very slender
very smooth from side to side
I was in for a wild ride
Oh, how well i was mesmerized
That song took me out of my mind
Knowing one day I'd clash
Turning my whole world into trash
But how could i resist? I danced..
The click of my heels and swing of my hair
I danced like forever was there..
But the song ought to stop
And the beat ought to change
And I'd swore to God I'd never dance again...

Author notes

A beautiful metaphore..in my opinion...

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Eamon
    February 17

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    Smooth Rhyme

    GREAT WRITE

    Awesome write!

    I served my head up on a plate
    Waking up when it's too late
    I knew that song, I remember


  • just sam
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    I too believe that this is a beautiful metaphor. The piece is lovely, although the lack of punctuation makes the flow a little off in places. The last line truly makes the poem for me.


  • Rizzie
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    very pretty write, the words flow tremendously well together! some of the rhyme seemed forced, but it actually added to the feeling of the entire poem. wonderful write.


  • Heroesrox
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write! I hope to read many, many more of your pieces soon, Kathleen! Thanks so much for sharing it here with everyone at AP.

    Have a great day!

    ~*~*~*~
    HR
    ~*~*~*


  • AbidoodleCullen
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    Great write!
    <3 Abi


  • sensualbutterfly
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful metaphore indeed! Inspirational and intense. So full of emotion. Wonderful and beautiful write you have here. Thanks for sharing it


  • HatedLoveDieingRose
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    i love it

    this poem is so good.. its wonderful. it is a beautiful metaphore..i love it..


  • ReAdInG.iS.sExY
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    inspirational
    a GREAT write
    intense and emotional
    i think i might have to stalk ya work now....lol



    addie


  • ventus11
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow what an intense write. I can feel the emotion leeking off the screen. your an amazing writer and I wish you luck in all your future writings. I loved every word, but here are my favorite lines:

    I knew that song, I remember
    I dance it well, very slender
    very smooth from side to side
    I was in for a wild ride
    Oh, how well i was mesmerized
    That song took me out of my mind
    Knowing one day I'd clash
    Turning my whole world into trash
    But how could i resist? I danced..
    The click of my heels and swing of my hair


  • EndlessDepressions
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ...

    Insanely sentimental.
    May I ask, Was this a real life inspiration?
    I think it was beautiful. It is true, alot of memories can be brought back from just dancing. My personal perspective though..Hmm.. I don't think I'd change anything. I don't believe in changing originality. I guess I would try to give more detail as to why the song meant so much, or try and show more similarity between this dance and the one she had first.
    =)
    GL with the rest of your poems.


    • Xtianor
      October 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the nice comment. Yes it was a true life inspiration, just like all the poems i wrote. I agree it couldve been a little more detailed with much more metaphors but the more vague a poem is, the more freedom of imagination it gives to the reader..just like a painting. Thats my point of view.

1 - 11 of 11