Shattered mirror spin your peace
in silk that you concoct
at every rising sun.
When nights of truth are done,
Hermes takes each soul’s release
to lairs your shards have blocked,
freeing space for Golden Fleece
as sleepy doors are locked.
Pussy-cats and honey-bears
will dance the heads of pins
‘til heavy eyelids close.
The Styx then overflows.
Troubled shores collapse to prayers
of crying violins,
playing Pachelbel upstairs
as healing work begins.
Archetypes of high design
ascend the Underworld.
The bells of heaven toll
to knit young Psyche whole.
Shards of glass cannot confine
the spirit’s sails unfurled,
coursing seas of luscious wine
in winds that Notus hurled.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall,”
what face do you behold
in sleep when you are whole,
when Ego’s lost control?
Morning light will not recall
the truths that you unfold,
joining hearts to daylight’s brawl
when reason’s light is cold.
Author notes
The Golden Fleece was the treasure sought by Jason and the Argonauts.
In Greek mythology, the "River Styx" (Greek: Στύξ also meaning hate, detest) was a river which formed the boundary between Earth and the Underworld (Hades).
In many Greek myths, Hermes was depicted as the only god besides Hades and Persephone who could enter and leave the Underworld without hindrance.
Archetypes are, according to Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, innate universal psychic dispositions that form the substrate from which the basic themes of human life emerge.
Pachelbel’s Canon in D major is commonly played at weddings.
Psyche is the mythical goddess of mind and soul.
Notus - the south wind in Greek mythology.
A contest entry
- Clean and Simple by Peripatetic.
1500 points, ended October 20, 2008, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be honest and open.
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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I am stunned. Reading this, re-reading yet again and again, surfing on the waves your words invoke, leaving me mystified, curious and honestly? in awe.
I do not have a lot of knowledge of the ancient. I do not have knowledge of poetry, I just feel with my heart, write with each pulsation of my blood.
My opinion is not of a scholar but of a reasonable normal creature.
Your poem made me want to study further, want to know what you really mean to say through these carefully studied words.
Impressive and am going to spoil the seriousness of my words with those silly claps
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Lucky for me, I knew all the things in this poem, and didn't need the notes in the author notes, but it was very nice of you to include them. This was a wonderfully well written piece, and I liked the almost abstract feel to it. All of the rhymes were well done, and the rhythm was smooth. This was a beautiful piece, great job. Excellent write and good luck in my contest!
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Rhyme and Meter Workshop
This poem is executed very well, technically. At first, I thought that it did not have a consistent meter, though it does have a pleasing rhythm. When I actually began to scan the poem, I discovered that you have a very rigid form, yet the poem reads as naturally as prose.
I scan the stanzas with the following structure:
Stresses rhyme
/x/x/x/ a
x/x/x/ b
x/x/x/ c
x/x/x/ c
/x/x/x/ a
x/x/x/ b
/x/x/x/ a
x/x/x/ b
I applaud your ability to work within this structure. I'm not familiar with it in literature, which is probably my own ignorance, or this could be your own invention. In either case, your mastery of the form is impressive.
The problem I have with this poem is that, while it is technically beautifully done, and it has interesting imagery, I am not smart enough to understand what the poem means. I'm familiar with most of the allusions you've made in the poem, and I have a vague sense that this is a poem about that period of time between waking and sleeping when my mind isn't quite sure whether my dreams are invading the real world or vice-versa.
However, your poem reads to me as disjointed as my own thoughts in that half-asleep state. We're jumping from daybreak to nightfall and back again, it seems, without a clear progression.
I can appreciate the poem on a surface level, appreciating the imagery and the mythological references. As I try to dig deeper for meaning, though, it eludes me. Now, some artwork can be appreciated without having to understand exactly what the creator envisioned. I don't understand most of the imagery in Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights," but I can look at that painting for hours.
Here, I find that I don't understand, I dig in a little and try to make sense of it, but failing to do so, I quickly move on. I appreciate the technique and the pretty words, but this poem doesn't speak to me on a deeper level. Ultimately, one goal of poetry, to my mind, is to communicate our feelings and provide ways of enabling the reader to find deeper insights and new perspectives. It is in this area that the poem was least successful for me.
Obviously, I'm in the minority here. This poem has received a Gold Trophy, many people have expressed their appreciation of the poem, and they were able to understand your message. Congratulations on a very successful write.
~Epistomolus -
I read this through once, read the A/N, than read it the second time.The second time it made sense. It almost seems as though the informative bit you put in your A/N should be first than the poem.
A wonderfully writen poem, very well researched and writen. It made me pull back on my greek mythology, something I haven't though much on since the ninth grade. Thank you for entering my contest. -
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http://www.earlyliterature.ecsd.net/puffin.htm
Dear Epistomolus, Thank you for one of the most thoughtful and comprehensive comments I’ve ever received. It was worth waiting for. Although I’ve not been active, I joined your Rhyme and Meter group over a year ago. As far as the form goes, it’s an adaptation of Florence Page Jaques’s poem for children, “Puffin’ (http://www.earlyliterature.ecsd.net/puffin.htm). I’ve sung it to my children as a lullaby for 30 years, and I intentionally used its form in this poem. This piece is meant to express my feelings about teenage suicide. I don’t think anyone picked up on that. I intended the progression to be: Stanza 1 – You are more than your feelings; Stanza 2 – Your dream-world unleashes your true inner self, your soul; Stanza 3 – Your soul is exquisitely beautiful and powerful in healing the pain and injury of daily life; and, Stanza 4 – We don’t see this beautiful part of us, our soul, when we look in the mirror every morning. But, it’s there. Thank you again for reading and commenting; and for using your time and gifts to help people write. You are a gift to all of us. Warm regards, Sultan
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Outstsanding
This poem appealed a lot to me. I thought the rhyme was very fluid with a good use of myth to give the imagery a sense of depth and sophistication. I enjoyed reading this little masterpiece a lot and will be checking out more of your poetry. Fantastic to read.
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".........Archetypes are, according to Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, innate universal psychic dispositions that form the substrate from which the basic themes of human life emerge................."
wow, like 1970
i got a paperback on jung
used to read it during lunch, breaks, etc
like, who understood
but
i remember it was reference to freud
the id, ego, superego thing
i love your stuff
it's a mastery of design
i wish i could do it
you superbly blend the supernatural into a marvelous themed work
. Rewarded 8
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Enjoyed this poem - flow, rhythm, rhyme, very unusual, but works well in these lines. Again, not much about mythical creatures on here, so this is very entertaining, as well as educational for many readers.
. Rewarded 4
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This is an amazing write, I enjoyed reading it.
I like the ending
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Superb
'tis a very fine write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
. Rewarded 4
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bravo
Fine poem, it is really nice to see a mention of Jung and one of his concepts, even fleetingly, loved it... bravo... bravo... -
Very Nice
A very nice poem, but I don' t get the *bunny* stuff. You could explain in the authors notes. Kinda gets hard to understand at the end. Well written. My style! -
Wonderful poem and very well written, I love the way you wrote this, Shattered mirror, Shards of glass, truths that you unfold, all very good.......ould hear the crying violins..... Truely wonderful!
. Rewarded 4
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A highly interesting and meaningful read, and very well-written with a nice structure. I like the fact that you have alluded to figures from Greek mythology, it adds a theme of the exotic to the poem, which is wonderful.
Thank you for sharing this, and once again, a great write - well done!
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I always enjoy reading poetry with informed mythological themes. It sounds like the beginning of a good story.
. Rewarded 4
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First of all, thank your for the author notes explaining the Greek mythology...i am a little behind in that subject. It also made me read it again and I really think you need that knowledge in order to get your full theme and beauty here. The flow of words was so lyrical, i felt that it was just gliding down a soft river of words. I love the line "The Styx then overflows" It almost would symbolize a death when referring to the "heavy eyelids close" but I'm not getting themes of death besides "collapse to prayers of crying violins
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Very deep and thought provoking...I liked the mythological references and strong imagery. Well penned BRAVO
Nevadapoet -
I loved all of the mythological references to start off. A wonderfully clever and humanly evocative piece. The ending is simply brilliant:
"Morning light will not recall
the truths that you unfold,
joining hearts to daylight’s brawl
when reason’s light is cold."
your flow and rhyme are impeccable. And the title?
One word: PERFECT
. Rewarded 6
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This is a lovely tale and i love mythology. i learned a bunch of stuff in your poem. thanxu for the glossary too or i would have had to use dictionary alot in reading this
Hermes takes each soul’s release
to lairs your shards have blocked,
freeing space for Golden Fleece
as sleepy doors are locked.
such wonderful rhymes all through this poem but i like that part best.
Good luck in the contest
Blessed be
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A Nice Poem
This was a very nice poem. The language and the story you told were interesting. I did find myself with one concern, though...
The form of the poem. I have to admit that the form made me read it slower than what I usually have read it. I don't know if it was the rhyme scheme or the beats per line, but I found myself stumbling a few times. Maybe try to find rhymes that flow into each other a little more (like the last stanza....that has wonderful flow).
I really think this poem has the possbilities to be great. Just keep revising. Thank you for letting us read it.
. Rewarded 8
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I had to read through this one twice just to be sure I was getting the internal meaning of this. I enjoy searching a poem for such instead of cheating and reading author notes for poetry is interpretation. Superb. Best to you
. Rewarded 4
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Good seeing you on the boards again however brief your stay might be. Good job on this deeply metaphorical piece and here's hoping it grabs a shiny!
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Amazing depth but it took me a while to really grasp it. I like the mirror metaphor, fresh and concise. This poem really takes the reader to some deep place, even if it's not entirely understood. It's as if I got taken into that deep place that you're writing comes from and that is a gift. Great Job
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this is fantastic! so deep and meaningful...you have to super talented. this is so great
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Deep and Meaningful
It took me a while to get to grips with it but it was worth the patience on my part.
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great job
very powerful, it does require the reader to read between the lines though. good work.
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This is a really powerful poem, and you present strong images.
My only quibble with the poem is that, for me, the form limits your expression. You resort to telling, rather than showing.
I like the best the final stanza, and the question of what we look like, before we are born...
. Rewarded 6
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It is too long since I read a poem of yours my friend, this is a delicious reintroduction.
Lovely rhyme and flow tide to great content, who can ask for more?
Great stuff
. Rewarded 4
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I loved the word choice but at times it was hard to follow the rythm.
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you know..this would be a lovely dark write....
many ways to ply this poem..i'm sure it has already
inspired more then a few to take a stab at it.
the layers are rich with texture and imagery, heavenly
to read and enjoy!
I think what I'll do...is "ply" and mold it...
write it and send to you...so you can see it darkly
written with a touch of piercing light.
it may take me a while....it will be just for you with
full rights and credit yours!
ears/Seattle
. Rewarded 8
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“Mirror, mirror on the wall,”
what face do you behold
in sleep when you are whole,
when Ego’s lost control?
Morning light will not recall
the truths that you unfold,
joining hearts to daylight’s brawl
when reason’s light is cold.
This last stanza packs a powerful punch to conclude an equally powerfull poem. Very creative and original. I enjoyed it! Well done!
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