I feel the wind, so harsh,
Against my face.
And still these tears,
They aren’t pressed back.
They wound my skin
With blackened hate;
Steal my gift to fly.
Scorn slides oily dark
Between feathers once pure;
On shadowy wings, I fall,
Cast out of the sky.
Author notes
PROMPT 2:
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
- Aerosmith, Amazing
(contest entry)
BUT if you would spend the time, please leave a comment of where i should improve and what you thought. I want to know the truth, thankyou =D
A contest entry
- quote inspired quickie♥ by etoile.
410 points, ended September 22, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I would love to give you an improvement strategy, but you can not fix perfection, it will always stay as that, and here it is! Quite a wonderful description and such emotion. I really loved this piece!
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Congratulations on bronze! I love the imagery in this poem, it's so vivid, and the poem itself flows so smoothly.
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this was a great take on the prompt.
i loved the imagery, it was beautiful.
'I feel the wind, so harsh,
Against my face'
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i feel like a period could be added at the end of that, it would add a greater impact on these starting lines.
They wound my skin
With blackened hate;
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that's going to have to be one of my favourite parts. i like the imagery a lot; and the emotions in this seem very very strong. it was a good way to describe anger tears.
'Make ill my gift to fly.' i thought that line was kindof awkward in the use of 'ill' but it was a good relation to the title.
Scorn slides oily dark
Between feathers once pure;
On shadowy wings, I fall,
Cast out of the sky.
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i also really liked that part. the imagery, once again was amazing. it was a brilliant ending to this piece.
thanks a lot for entering and goodluck
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