He sat
crowned by victory
his throne of obsidian
in bold defiance of earth
and her righteousness
I loved him
the way his voice
thundered across
the stone hallways
filling insatiable hunger
his fire was always
on my skin
raging towards my heart
and his pomegranate
was on my lips
I tasted the fallacies
mother had spoon-fed
before I learned
I was a woman
then I watched
the blue of his eyes
follow as I walked...
in the bland world
of reality
the harvests waned
but we made love
in the warm grasses of Elysium
Author notes
Most Improved Round 4:
http://www.infoplease.com/cig/mythology/hades-takes-wife-persephone.html
I chose the legend of Hades and Persephone... if you don't know it, I provided the link above. This is my favorite Greek legend, I'm not sure why, but I relate well with Persephone and I like that she fell in love with her captor in the end.
In the poem I retold the legend from a personal point of view. Particularly the line about spoon-fed lies, relates to me during personal growth and maturity. And of course, this has an undertone of my own love life.
Hades was never a "devil" figure, only assigned to the guard the Underworld, so although he now carries a negative conotation, I don't think he was ever meant to be so.
A contest entry
- Invite Only #1 by sideways hourglass.
550 points, ended September 29, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Excellent word usage, which translates into some fantastic imagery
It has a good flow to it. Very good
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Okay, so I've been meaning to comment on this for like, ever, but here I go. This has strong imagery starting with the very first stanza. Again you make use of simplicity in a way that brings complex emotions across perfectly. I like your twist on the story. That she loved him back. This is beautiful and is an excellent write.
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I have no cricitism for this. My favorite one of yours so far --- and even though this whole thing was awesome, I thought the ending stood out the most. And plus, this could have ended up totally cheesy -- but the way you phrase things, your voice is what knocked it out of the ball park. Loved it.
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I was going to choose this legend, but I saw you had, too, so I decided to switch. You wrote this better than I could have. Of course.
Did you know Hades is Persephone's uncle? Talk about incest.
I love how you gave Hades the good guy persona in your poem and discussed it in your author notes. Girls always fall for the bad boys, don't you think?
Your vocabulary was so strong here. Makes me nervous about mine. :S
The second stanza was so powerful.
Your last two lines... Talk about a POW moment.
Great job.
Totally bookmarked.
~Cassie
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"his fire was always
on my skin"
beautiful.
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Awww crap. I used this legend, too, but you did much better than I did
Your poems always flow very nicely, and this one is no exception.
"I loved him
the way his voice
thundered across
the stone hallways
filling insatiable hunger" I loved this part, I just really like the description and just how relatable it is to someone who is in love. The insatiable hunger bit is brilliant.
I always thoroughly enjoy your pieces, you have such a lovely way of expressing yourself that makes it easy for the reader to understand, and yet it's not simple in it's content and beauty.
Well done, once again.
Love Always,
Caroline
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lovely.
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