So tired of the struggle, I am exhausted from this fight
There is more of an ease pushing others away, then in trying
Residing in a land of rollercoaster’s, and living a pharmaceutical existence.
There is a storm in my soul that no contact has been competent to calm.
This fog suffocates me, choking who I am, and silencing what I intended to say.
“You’re so strong”, they proclaim; if so, why is it so hard to make it through one more day?
What makes you stronger is what doesn’t kill you.
What if, what is killing you made you strong?
I am bound in the passenger seat of my life
Watching, but helpless to the chaos that spins out of control in front of me.
It’s so lonely in here, silent to anyone outside my cranial prison.
I am screaming for help, why can’t they hear me?
Help me; I can’t stop the torturous expressions escaping from my lips.
I am deteriorating in here alone, going through these motions all too often.
Is it too much to ask, for understanding without monetary exchange?
Incapable of being a companion of worth, offering only a cocktail of love and loathing.
When my saving graces ask why my face is stained with pain, responses are excuses to mask what lies beneath.
My blood is poison, sure to infect the innocent; how do I save them?
Who will save me?
This monster disconnects me from my life, and my loves, incarcerating me in my private penitentiary.
The only thing that it will allow me, is pain, the mourning of a life lost, and what may never be.
Is this the life I have built, or is it merely the remnants of what was, or could have been?
Lost in this maze of uncertainty, and confusion, knowing that freedom is all too brief and fleeting
Finding solace only in absorbing common pain, and reciprocating my own
What did I do to deserve this life of inescapable incarceration?
Author notes
I have never really written poetry, I did write some as a teen but have long since been preoccupied with the visual arts. I was having an especially bad night and something told me to write down what I was feeling...this is what came from the insomnia. I thought at first this was meant for my ex, to help explain what it is like to live with Bipolar, but he was unreceptive so; I search still for its true purpose.
What did you think? What does it need?
Comments
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I know all to well how you feel living with bipolar.It is hard and you feel so out of control all of the time,Trying to express what it is like so that others will know the pain is hard.You did really good at trying to get the reader th know.Great job and I do hope things are getting better for you.
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Emogurl
Thank you!
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I personally hate when people tell me that I'm so strong, so I can relate to this poem. You're right, sometimes it is so difficult to make it through just one more day that you want to give up and you can't fathom it when people tell you that you're so strong. I also like the last line, because I've often asked myself the same thing. Why me? Why us? The world may never know why some people seem to be specifically chosen to take the long hard road, whicle others get to take the easy road. I think may of us here on Allpoetry.com can sympathize with this poem, if not empathize with it as well. I is a marvelously well done piece and I think it deserves some recognition.
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Vampedvixen
Hey there and thank you so much for stopping by to read and taking the time to comment, and what a wonderful comment! I really appreciate the feedback and thank you for letting me know that you related. It is just this type of response that I was hoping for, from someone that gets it, from the insiders point of view. Thank you again.
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good
i lyk it. i think that it needs to flow better. all in all... good. -
I feel for you...
I have bi-polar friends, and I myself struggle with Panic Disorder and Anxiety Disorder, determined that it will not get the upper hand in this fight of mine. So far, all has leveled out, with support of friends and family, meds, doctors & nurses and therapists...like you said in your notes, you need support...a support group, not just one person to lean on. I tried that and found out the hard way, after struggling with PTSD for 4 years.
As to the poem, it needs form - more structure than the regular storyline paragraph type you've jotted down to get the thoughts out. You're right; poetry IS therapy. But try pulling those thoughts into stanzas of 4 lines; perhaps a free course that they offer under the Learn tab - the School of Poetry might help. But all said, you've got a great start!
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Orange
Thank you for your comments, they are much appreciated! I am glad to hear that things are going well for you now. This was actually written with no stanza form whatsoever when first posted but has since then been edited to include stanza's although they are not in a specific number of lines they are separated to where the breaks needed to be according to the feelings. I really appreciate your advice, but I doubt that I will do any edits to this as it was posted here to find a meaning more than find a form so to speak. It has reached more people on share poetry, and if you were to read the comments and authors notes on the poem on that site it would give you an idea as to why. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment, and for your kind words of encouragement.
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You have so much to say, and its all inside of you. True feelings show right through your words, but the ... made the write a little less powerful.
Glad you came back to poetry cuz its where you belong
=)
Princess
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princess
Thank you so much for commenting. I think your right, that is something I will have to change. Would you recommend no punctuation at those points, or just commas etc.? Thank you so much for your honesty and your opinion it is appreciated! Thank you also, for saying this is where I belong, that means a lot to me!
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I think it's true purpose is initially to connect you to yourself, to give you a voice and a benchmark of where you are exactly as you journey through your own unique experiences. It's wonderful to look back at work produced a year ago say, and to realise how very different life is. also writing helps your brain to deal with issues and make sense of thoughts that otherwise may have caused anxiety......writing is brilliant! Please carry on, there's plenty of people on here that will understand what it's like to have mental health problems. I'm sure you've got wonderful reserves of creativety that you could allow to escape so go for it my lovely! Join a group too so you can chat to like minded people xxxx
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Swanridur
Thank you again for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment on my poems! You may be right about the purpose, this poem, or whatever it is, is a very close to my heart and I am sure will serve in the future as a reminder of what was. Thanks again for taking the time to comment , and for being so supportive!
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I think you have just written your first peice of poetry.
There are many who claim this isn't poetry because of that, that isn't poetry because of this. I've had poetry inside me all my life. I believe maybe you have to. You simply never heard that voice before that night which was telling you to write this down. It was telling you to not only release those feelings and emotions by writing them downn but to share those feelings with others that may understand. Possiby reach someone else who thought they were the only one who felt that way and let them know they are not alone. I've always been a rythm and rhyme poet. That's just the way I heard it. But to me poetry is a way to convey emotions, stories and much more. You have written poetry. What it needs will change from poet to poet. There are many different stlyes of poetry. This is not my usual style of poem so it is harder for me to critique. Denpending on whether you are going to try to follow certain rules or not will affect what you do or don't need to do. I find to be more effective and reach a reader easier it help to simplify the emotions or shorten the lines. I will give you some examples:
Tired of the Struggle.
Exausted from the fight.
There is more ease
in pushing away
than in trying.
Residing in a land
of Rollercoasters
a pharmaceutical
existence...
This fog suffocates me
choking who I am
and silencing me
These are easier for the reader to absorb in my opinion. I'm learning from other poets here myself. One thing I have learned is to use less punctuation. I'm told it's distracting and interupts the flow of the poem. You will also see that I have used capitols in the middle of the sentences. I've learn this is an effective way to emphasize a word to give it more punch. Sometimes it's also helpful to use stanzas. This the equivelant of paragraphs. It seperate the individual parts of the poem. Where I stopped is a good place for your next stanza to begin. You a have a good start here. If you would like more help refining it. I would be more than happy to help. just send me a message letting me know what you want or need. And I will respond as soon as I can. If you continue with your poetry I believe you will find it is a great release. There is a wonderful community out here and I'm sure you will be welcomed. I hope to hear from you. I would really be interested in helping to refine your poem. I enjoy helping others with theirs as much as I enjoy working on my own. Besides, you may take a stroll through my Poetry Garden and be able to point out something that needs to be fixed in one of my poems. Meanwhile I wish you well. Please feel free to contact me.
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This was a beautiful piece of wrioting.Its like this connected to me somehow.I hyave been going through a rough couple of months myself.
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Hey thanks
Hey there...thanks so much for replying to my poetry...do you have any suggestions as to how i can get some critique on this poem in here...i find this site hard to navigate through, and i am extremely computer literate. Sorry to hear about you having a hard time as of late, this is my everyday struggle and i think i wrote it to explain to my ex because he refuses to acknowledge my feelings...any who, thanks again!
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