The echos of laughter
haunt her every thought.
Her life a total disaster;
her soul is in distraught.
Memories everlasting
burn within her heart,
beauty and pain contrasting
ripping her flesh apart.
Yesterdays woes
now todays pain.
The rememberance of sorrows
driving her insane!
Tomorrow holds hope
to start life anew.
She knows she can cope,
because her future is true.
She breathes in deep;
her tears cut like a knife;
then she takes that final leap;
and spirals into her new life!
Memories now distant
her life is now clear.
Her pain's now inconsistent
she lets go with one tear.
Author notes
"Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow." - L. Ron Hubbard
A contest entry
- Which Door? by silverscent.
525 points, ended October 14, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So Many Thoughts Stirring In My Head by Rashida.
550 points, ended May 6, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think??
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
no.
I can handle rhyme sometimes, but this seemed a little cliche and overused. sorry. -
no, I'm sorry.
-
i'm sorry, i'm not one for rhyme, i have to say no
-
sorry, but no.
-
I'm sorry, going to have to say no.
-
The poem itself was good, I don't normally like rhyme but this piece moved me, there were a lot of typos though, like "echoes" in the first line, and that kept knocking me out of the mood. Other than than, an excellent write.
-
memories now distant
her life is now clear
her pains now inconsistent
she lets go with one tear.
very nice.
pains --> pain's
the font is a bit hard to read against the background. -
I loved the ending, very nicely written. The emotions you showed are very deep and make the reader think and imagine his own life.
I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing!
~Noor
-
This is quite wonderful for a first write in a long time I really enjoyed it, must be just like riding a bike for you. Talent can not bury itself too deep. I really liked the flow, although I might change the color of the font...a little hard to read and therefore a distraction from your lovely wording!
-
i like the topic. or message. it felt like the first two stanzas you were reaching to make them rhyme. and i don't think the word 'in' sounds right in front of the word 'distraught'. i do like the lines beauty and pain contrasting and spiral into her new life. good lines
-
wow, this is a really good write about a new beginning. i like it very much, so full of emotion. I liked it very much!
Have a great day!!
Emma
-
I like this one.
It makes you think that you really can move on. You really can start again.
I love that about this.... -
i think it's very pretty very meaningful, and embodies the quote you were trying to write of. pretty write, but i think that (being picky) that the formatting of the poem would change it a little bit...make it more powerful.
idk, lmao, but either way, still a very beautiful poem.
goodluck with your contest!
-tricia -
Here you go
"Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow." - L. Ron Hubbard
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
