My heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow
and better you'll knock at a kindlier door.
A dream lies dead here. May you softly go.
I have many stories you do not know
and sorrows too numerous to ignore.
My heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow.
Where once dwelt a woman with eyes aglow
now lives a husk of what went before.
A dream lies dead here. May you softly go.
Betrayed by my love, forced to undergo
disgraces a stronger one would deplore
my heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow.
Happiness passed on fortune’s sirocco
consuming the moments I wanted more.
A dream lies dead here. May you softly go.
This room has become a tragic tableau
and I lack energy to change the decor.
My heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow.
A dream lies dead here. May you softly go.
Author notes
An American critic, satirical poet, and short-story writer, Dorothy Rothschild Parker lived from 1893-1967.
The first stanza of this villanelle is a cento from three of her poems:
My heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/14779-Dorothy-Parker-A-Portrait
And better you'll knock at a kindlier door
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/14808-Dorothy-Parker-Ballade-Of-A-Great-Weariness
A dream lies dead here. May you softly go
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/11212-Dorothy-Parker-A-Dream-Lies-Dead
The villanelle is a 19-line poem with repeating lines, composed of five stanzas with a closing set of four lines, last two make a couplet.
The rhyme pattern is aba-aba-aba-aba-aba-abaa.
The villanelle lines 1 and 3 make repeating refrains in the poem as follows:
1*3, **1, **3, **1, **3, **13 (stars are non-repeating lines
In a list
A contest entry
- Collab with a Great Poet by Peteskid.
2300 points, ended October 5, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I've commented on this before, but I really like the tone of it, and I see it gleaned an HM since last I visited. Congrats!
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This write has just amazed me! That you pull three lines together with no seams to show; that your own
words blend in a tale of emotional let-go...
sets such a hard act to follow. My standing ovation
in response. Blue
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Awesome use of words! This was a pleasure to read. Great choice and collaboration. Best luck
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that last line... wow... those words were so powerful as if to say, softly go, even when the ache is so strong and not wanting anyone to know how very much it hurts... or it can be the giving up of hope completely.
really well written.
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The years slow turn as winds which flow
and many have passed by my door.
The dream is dead, it pains no more.
Stay. Spend some time before you go.
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You have chosen some great lines with which to weave your words..a very emotive read. "May you softly go." is very strong throughout. I enjoyed this collab!
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You picked up the mood from her lines and made them your own. People who remain in seclusion, ignoring life knocking at their doors, sometimes heartbreak of loss lasts for the remainder of their lives. This is very sad in tone throughout, so fitting for those times that we just want to be left alone.
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This piece is graceful and when read aloud, it forces the reader to use a quiet, slow and gentle voice. The repetition of "May you softly go" actually adds impact and ties this whole piece together very well. I enjoyed reading this very much and think you've done a wonderful job for a very tough contest.
Just Me
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There are many emotions in the human palette, bright, dark and those we create with hands and eyes and imagination, so here there is the joy of expectation or the sadness of unrealized hopes...in similar breaths these words carry so much of the inner feelings, conflicted and stubborn. A marvelous blending of voices, the blending of the collab verses was also well done. I sense a rise in intensity as the refrains repeat, also very well done. This is an excellent collaboration. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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Excellent!
I enjoyed this piece because it was well
written and extremely expressive. You are
a good writer was a unique way of getting
your message across. I look forward to
reading more of your work. Great job!
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Great write!
I really enjoyed this poem. Your rythm and rhyming were excellent and you really conveyed the emotions of a broken heart and lost dreams. A heart that wants to be left alone in its grief. Well done.
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Ahhh, to collab with Dorothy Parker, excellent. Makes me wish I had thought of it too. Well done. Form is absolutely perfect, but I expect no less. I enjoyed this so much. Great entry. Well done. ~Pamela
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i like this poem.
love these more, but thats just me...
and sorrows too numerous to ignore.
my heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow.
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This reminds me of Langston Hughes' poem; "Harlem", which poses the question; "What happens to a dream deferred..."
I love the use of the word; "tableau", it gives the reader a stark picture. There is a sadness here, a melancholy tone. Very well scribed.
Renee
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Creative
"Betrayed by my love, forced to undergo
disgraces a stronger one would deplore
my heart is stubborn, and my spirit slow."~
Hearts are not stubborn, we just don't listen to the truth because we are in love with love, not with the person who mistreats us. If you met the person you think you love now on the street today , would you be his friend? Would you choose that kind of friend? Would a stranger treat you better? These thoughts made me see, I was in love with someone I wanted him to be...not him.
Hope all your dreams come true. Excellent write.
Jen
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