I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when I glanced out of the window. It was such a lovely day, clear blue sky, the sun quietly blazing away, that I decided to go and sit in the garden. Then I recalled that the sun can cause skin cancer unless you wear sun cream with factor ' whatever it is ', so I stayed inside.
I decided to have a cup of coffee but remembering that it can irritate the lining of your stomach and cause sterility problems I didn't.I thought about having a cup of tea instead.Did you know that tea is a diuretic, it contains caffeine and dehydrates you ? well I do, so I changed my mind.
I filled a glass with water but a little voice said "did you know that the water in many cities contains pollutents called carcinogens that over time can cause cancer", so I poured it away.
I turned on the TV., staring at me was the face of a recently caught mass murderer so I changed channels. I was told that the earthquake death toll in Thingumistan had reached 5000 , I turned the TV off.
I decided to have lunch, but being diabetic, I made sure the blood sugar levels in the food were acceptable but then noticed that the salt content was far too high. Salt causes high blood pressure or hypertension which leads to kidney damage, strokes or even heart attacks. I decided on a diet without thinking about the consequences.
I was going to pour a whiskey but the memory of the rotting kidney I'd seen on a TV programme the night before stopped me. I briefly thought about having a relaxing cigarette, but only for a millisecond.
I looked out of the window, it was still a beautiful day..I made a decision..
I shot myself......
A contest entry
- Fiction On AllPoetry? Call Me Rebel! by Yemassee.
875 points, ended October 3, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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well ... i'll have a cigarette and think this over
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LOL, An unexpected, Neo-O'Henry twist (I just made that term up.)
I like the splashes of comic indifference,
"sun cream with factor 'whatever it is'"
and
"death toll in Thingumistan"
Those splashes add to the humor, but in a more subtle way.
Ah, but now the narrator's fate will be a used as a public service announcement by some private or government agency or other, which will warn viewers of the mental issues and dire consequences of those who abstain too thoroughly.
Thanks, it was a fun, pleasingly dark story.
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ha ha ha...I hope this was suppose to be funny cause it got a giggle out of me...but trouble is it all rings of the truth...there is nothing good for us any more...so where is that gun!...Great job...is this 500 words or less...Now I know how long 500 words are...Good luck!!!
Darlene
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You may have shot yourself but the aim must have been off... or the shot wasn't fatal. Now all you have to worry about are all of those medecine interactions, cancer causing Xrays, depraved doctors poking around, stepholocucs in the hospital wardss... need I go on?
But there's always the bright side... somewhere
Good luck in the contest... a really funny story and well written
Dee
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