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independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=960&ArtistID=9993
{Intro}
What do you think about laying down a rhyme?
Down in real-time, a pure and simple rhyme.
{Verse 1}
I lost my job the other day
Now I'm good and broke
I lost my girlfriend too
She's now up in smoke
I want to blame the man
Grab his shiny crown
I'd flip him like a flapjack
Turning black from brown
Underground, piñata clown.
[Chorus]
Oh no, I think I might have gone over board this time
Don't be so possessed, it's just a timid rhyme
Oh no, surely I've gone over board this time
Don't get so depressed, all things change in time.
{Verse2}
Now I'm drinking steady
A forty everyday
First thing in the morning
Gotta get my head to play
I need some Jimmy Hendrix
With a little UFO
Trimming all my plants
Gonna help 'em grow
Living underground,
I've got a green thumb too
If I can't make no money
selling sniffing glue
I'd ask for three more wishes,
right off the back
Then I'd make'em last,
and last, and last.
[Chorus]
Oh no, I think I might have gone over board this time
Don't be so possessed, it's just a timid rhyme
Oh no, surely I've gone over board this time
Don't get so depressed, all things change in time.
{Verse 3}
I want to live in Costa Rica
Marry a twelve-year-old
She could clean my house,
and help me think of
Ways to be more bold,
But first I'd write a novel
like Aleister Crowley
The magic is so black
The altar’s flesh in front of me
Don't think I'm a stranger,
to the evil ways
The government’s put me, in danger
Subdued and under foot,
I think that the curb must scrape
some mud off my chin
Can I swim from this, gray dorsal fin?
They are the sharks, so right,
with the teeth that are so white
Then they tear at my flesh
See the blood in the mesh
So you swim, and you swim,
and you hope you can float
But they're just too God damn medieval
These crocodiles in the moat.
Oh no, I think I might have gone over board this time
Don't be so possessed, it's just a tainted rhyme
Oh no, surely I've gone over board this time
Don't get so depressed, all things change with time.
Take a listen
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=960&ArtistID=9993
Author notes
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=960&ArtistID=9993
Written January 22nd, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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writing a book is a big accomplishment. I plan to do it. this poem was different from most. it was casual but I could still see your imagination. I love your creativity.
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ah what can i say.too repetitive(i just typed tit) for me like a song with choruses and shit(i hate that)though i like the whole weed thing even though i find weed way too boring in and of itself. i dont know,i liked the idea i liked the potential but the whole thing was not much of anything to me
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I thought it was actually humorous in some ways. It wasn't the best, but the humor of it seemed to grab my attention. It was ok overall
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Your "critique" was hardly mean, and since it doesn't say anything specific (as far as actual syntax and themes go) it wasn't a critique. It was more like something someone from Orange County would say on their cell phone on the way to the mall.
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Is that a piccy of Elvis?
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I'm not quite sure about this song. Then again maybe it's just not my forte. The style, words and overall tone just don't grab me in the way that I can enjoy. You can't please everyone, and don't let one mean critique slow you down.
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Unfortunately (being greek), I can only stand an Italian for so long,
before I splosh a plate of noodles in their fucking tiny mafiaso faces.
The irony is that I'm big in Sardenia...? My wife teases me about it all the time.
She says "I always knew you'd be the leonard cohen of sardenia"
I can't get a job here to save my life, but in Sardenia I'm VIP.
Oh life! What a diverse spectrum of utter lukewarm marmalade.
The thing with songs like this is that I make it all up as I go along.
It's all freestyle and totally different than my usual prose and or poetry
which is usually much more mature and advanced in style and language.
But what you end up with, in the case of a song like this,
is a recording of a point in time in one pass full of the moment, in the moment.
It's one style of song writing of many in the art of songwriting, and it always gives me a chuckle because you always end up saying some rather ridiculous cliche rhymes and such, or making a mistake. Which really brings a lot of: humor and honesty and scrutinized growth to the table. And that's good for building those poetic muscles so to speak in a world where hobbies can be rather vague.
This style of songwriting is always worth its weight in mold. -
I really like your style.
Your lyrics are really great, and then I listened to the song, and all I can say is OUTSTANDING. It's not my usual genre of music to indulge in, but I think I will re-think my genre preferences for a bit, and alter them to include your music stylings. EXCELLENT!!
Blessed Be,
~Sherry~
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I am blown away...for this is right up my alley.....up in smoke a forty jimi hendrix living underground.....wow just right on. Killer.
Starving artist myself, when i happen upon some dough after bartending spring break....think i will pick up a copy of your CD. Gotta support the posse of artists. -
this is just plain fun to read. then on reading it for the second time it got the old brain to ticking. your writes are never boring. making three wishes last and last and last is clever.
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This is definitely an interesting song. It's got some non-traditional ideas and some traditional which makes for a neat mix. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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This entire bit sounds so much like some country song:
I lost my job the other day
Now I'm good and broke
I lost my girlfriend too
She's now up in smoke
I want to blame the man
Grab his shiny crown
I'd flip him like a flapjack
Turning black from brown
Underground, piñata clown
Country is interesting yet strange but yeah nice work anyways!!!
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Wow..
It's all so diffrent to me lol, I like it.. I was suprised to see what it was, that it wasn't JUST a poem but a whole CD. That really impressed me I hope all this goes well for you
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I'd ask for three more wishes,
right off the back
Then I'd make'em last,
and last, and last.
nicely written. enjoyed the read. as well as the other one with all the reviews. was worth the read.
Blu -
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These lyric are down. I would love to hear them. Got a link? I am into funky music from white boys. LOL Great hook.
~shell~ -
not bad...
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44 views and 3 comments...Well 2 1/4 comments
WTF??? 
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Crowley is one to reckon with. Is he a mad man or is he the reality of our dreams?
If time could stand still
How long life should seem
For life is but an illusion
A state of concious dream...
From: The Eternal Questioner by Aleister Crowley
I don't know how closely people note the educational value of you poetry, your lyrics. I love the flow of this, but then my alter ego goes ballistic with stellar rhyming poetry. Great job, I like the hook, and the feel of this, it's surreal!
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No thanks.
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If you really like to spout lines apply to firzed amendmentz
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Black Visions
Yah. Okay. Good old Crowley - god what a black SOB he was and I ain't spouting no skin color BS (for you folks who think dead people are soooooooooo boring and anything that didn't happen on television never really happened at all and it's all just words in a book that's at least 300 pages too long (because just reading the title wore you out). Okay. Yah. I'm done there.
This is a good edgy piece with a little shock value throwaways tossed in here and there. Reads like something I could imagine hearing on MTV (if I watched it). All black & white grainy video with lotsa booty shaking in the wide angle lense and oh yeah, lots of strutt'in going on. Gotta have that strutt'in.
Frankly I think verse 3 is the strongest, but its also the oddest, so that's probably why I like it. I get the best images from the blackest visions.
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