Everyday I dream of that one night
When we met each other's eyes
I looked Away so suddenly
as if a thunder bolt had hit my head
I began to smile
wondering what lay ahead
Felt myself flush...turned so red
then looked up and smiled at you with a genuine smile
For you made me feel all the things I never did
made me want to smile all along when I never wanted to
Made me forget all my weaknesses..and all my sadness
made we wanna run around the world in madness...
you make me want to think about you all the time...
during my bad and good...this isn't just a crush
You give me wings and make me want to fly
you make me feel so..................me
for you listen intently to everything I say
and you'll introduce our first date as ' Hey ! wanna take a walk?? '
I wish too much..which makes my dreams an illusion
I want you to make my dreams come true
I don't know for how long I've had this crush
My heart will tell me soon..Or maybe you will
One day you will complete me
for we were always meant to be together.......Forever
I Love you...So Truly,Madly & deeply
A contest entry
- Random- everything by Writing0Freedom.
850 points, ended September 28, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything but gold... by SchizoChic.
450 points, ended October 3, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If you have a person so very dear to you, heres your chance to write a poem just for them by Hannie.
450 points, ended October 9, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free to Write by LoveNLyrics.
525 points, ended October 29, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sound Of Music by Overcast.
600 points, ended November 26, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think of my poem ?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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' Wanted to' not 'too'.
That apart, this paints a very pretty picture.It also sounds authentic- like you really have something in mind.Overall, a lovely write.How do you link this to the theme, though?I caught no references except "Truly,Madly & deeply". -
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well...my favouraite song is....CRUSH-David Archuleta...so i wrote on that..thats what i was sppsd to do right?
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a sweet piece.
you make me feel so..................me
^ definitely how we all want to feel around the person we love.
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Wow, a really beautiful write...u really showed what love is!!! Thanks for entering! and good luck!!
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Oh how beautiful love can be. You did an excellent job of showing us those feelings. Best of luck to you poet!
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It's a lot better- nice job with revisions. Thank you for taking it out. I like it a lot more n ow.
made we wanna run around the world in all madness...
Was a bit confusing- maybe check grammar.
This is pretty good though! Thanks for entering!
WritingFree -
This seems a bit forced the rhyme, let it just be free verse, that would be fine. Its good- but I think it needs more imagery and more emotion to it. Describe the relationship and what was so amazing about it a bit more.
I thought using crap, and @ was a little off for it, I think you are more than creative to say 'crap' without saying it.
Please don't use chatspeak in poems, at least with me it bugs me. Sorry I should have made that clearer in the rules.
I like the one example though "Wanna take a walk?"
That was really good it gave insight into the character and how she felt about the person she loved. This poem definitely has potential!
If you do some edits and changes maybe, message me and I will reread before I judge the contest.
Thank you for entering!
WritingFree -
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Thank you poet..you were right..it was unethical of me to write the word'crap' .....I usually dont do that...plzz do chk my modifications out asap....and it wasnt your mistake...I should have known not to use chatspeak especially in the case of dignified poetry...My Bad !..thank you again poet
~hugs~
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