I feel so alone here.
No one to turn to...nowhere to go.
I'm inside myself, destruction is ruling chaos.
No bounderies that can't be crossed.
I will die inside again.
Will I get back this time?
The past is never gone and the future is never coming.
You want my love but I have nothing left to give.
Can't fight this undertoe anymore.
Just give in and let the pain wash over.
Feels like home.
No one will ever understand how much power there is in giving up.
It's so cold.
I keep being lead to this haven of numb.
I can't save myself and no one is a savior.
If you knew this pain inside of me, would you go on?
Would you become the shell I have progressivly become?
You can't be in these walls of prison I created for protection.
As if you'd ever want to be.
Give up on me.
The pain for you will grow to proportions you can't imagine.
I will hurt you time after time.
Don't love me!!!
I don't love myself.
A contest entry
- My first contest (pretty simple you should enter *wink*) by kistoclou.
795 points, ended September 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Hmmm
well i thought it started out a little confusing, and the end was a little confusing to. I loved your metaphor comparing this to the undertoe but some of the others were just well ok I guess, well with this poem at least. They just didn't seem to allow it to flow very well. At first I thought you were talking about life being pointless, but then it switched to love at the end, and that threw me for a spin. It's kinda like you're fighting yourself, which also inhibited the story to flow, (I mean if you do fight yourself etc. Make it more obvious or show the dramatic change, rather then a progressive change) the best example of mine is my poem memory, she's fighting herself about love, but its obvious she's just confused, yours just doesn't allow it to work. Ohh I'm sorry, let me be possitive to though (getting carried away) The idea was excellent, the comparison to love was a good idea as well just make it more promanent, the word choice was good, in fact if you added like two lines of words you could easily rearange them to be more powerful,(Syntax is a wonderful thing) thats all. Thanks for you entry (and even though it was a bit confusing I still liked it)
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