The angels turned their backs on God
snubbing his gift, of the human race
They weren’t interested, in giving us love
just receiving his glorious, love and grace.
The err of their selfish judgment
they should have seen before the act
So God lovingly embraced us
when the angels turned their backs.
Each day of life, is a gift from God
we bask in his sun and waters we swim
And what we do, with this gift of life
is the gift, we give back to him.
Author notes
Theme: Divine love given, devine love taken
some appreciate it some are foresaken
POW Contest
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear by Arkbear.
700 points, ended September 21, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Unique twist to a common theme for the PO's - nicely done! Congrats on the trophy!
-
Hi and welcome to another POW, Bill.
This is a very different look at angels, I must say? As Neon said, something that requires some pondering...
I don’t know that I have much to add beyond what has already been suggested. I do think your last stanza slides into being very cliché...which, unfortunately, ends up taking much of the impact I believe this could have had, away.
To me...since your theme is intended to be on “divine love” I’d have liked to see a bit more of a connection to that message in the ending, or a continuation of the angel aspect. The rhyme in the last stanza was a bit forced as well, with L2 being awkwardly worded to get “swim” in there. But as always, this is only MO and I’m sure there are others who wouldn’t agree. 
Remember there are poetic devices beyond rhyme that can help strengthen a write...metaphors and similes such as those used in the last stanza. (Just be on the lookout for clichés. ) Just one other technical note...don’t forget to cap any words that refer back to God, such as “He” and “Him”.
You have some lovely thoughts here...don’t be afraid to dig deeper, and take advantage of the 25 lines you’re allowed to use...as I’d have loved to see you continue your thoughts on this, perhaps “fleshing it out” a bit more.
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge comments, until after trophies are awarded.
-
Welcome to the POW! I see you changed your name!. nice change I like it. As for the poem. your rhyme and flow are disrupted in certain lines in the first stanza. but apart from that this is very nicely written. very spiritual and soft. yet not over the top like "you must join Christianity noww!" like. heh Seriously now, the depth is this is spectacular,very inviting.
my scores will show up in my final notes.
No editing once a judge as touched your work.~
-vampy xxx -
Hi there and welcome to the pow again this is a theme that has been used so much that I am weary of it and it is not your poem which I find a nice write just seeing the same topic week after week gets old I wish you luck in the contest my score will appear at the close of the contest be well
-
Welcome to the POW for 9/19/08
This has a different twist to it.
I think there is a message here that would require
some thought, and reflection, which is always a
good point in a poem. We want to be challenged to
think 'outside the box'.
Unfortunately, for me, what impact I would have
gotten from this write is lost, due to the mis-use
of punctuation throughout.
I've reprinted it here, as I think it should be.
See if you agree with my changes.
***
The angels turned their backs on God(,)
snubbing his gift of the human race(.)
They weren’t interested in giving us love,
just(in) receiving his glorious love and grace.
The err of their selfish judgment
they should have seen before the act(.)
So God lovingly embraced us
when the angels turned their backs.
Each day of life is a gift from God(.)
(W)e bask in (H)is sun, in His waters we swim(.)
(W)hat we do with this gift of life
is the gift we give back to him.
A good, insightful poem...just needed some
punctuational (is that a word?) tweaking.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to
you in the contest.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Aloha and Welcome back!
Well Bill, I have to say…
this isn’t your best…
The theme as you know,
isn’t uncommon….It is a
wonderful theme…..just been
done…
With that being said…
this also could use some
“technical” help.
The err of their selfish judgment
they should have seen before the act
So God lovingly embraced us
when the angels turned their backs.
Perhaps:
Err of their selfish judgment
should have been seen before the act.
God lovingly embraced us,
when angels turned their backs.
Still concentrate on taking out
extra and “filler” words…
Best wishes in the contest…My scores
will be in the final notes.
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge
has commented on your entry.
Aloha and Welcome back!
Well Bill, I have to say…
this isn’t your best…
The theme as you know,
isn’t uncommon….It is a
wonderful theme…..just been
done…
With that being said…
this also could use some
“technical” help.
The err of their selfish judgment
they should have seen before the act
So God lovingly embraced us
when the angels turned their backs.
Perhaps:
Err of their selfish judgment
should have been seen before the act.
God lovingly embraced us,
when angels turned their backs.
Still concentrate on taking out
extra and “filler” words…
Best wishes in the contest…My scores
will be in the final notes.
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge
has commented on your entry. -
Amen...Good luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
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