A shove so great to break you -
Falling, flailing into nonbeing;
No longer knowing your greatness.
A gentle man beaten by insanity,
And a love that crushed your spirit.
Lost to those who knew you well –
My hand outstretched to yours;
Begging for forgiveness, strength,
As I watch you succumb to yourself.
Your mind twisted with toxic beliefs.
Hear her words with powerful disbelief –
A crumpled up man alone and forgotten;
Finally quieted and at peace with himself.
It cannot be true! What have I done?
To know now a call could’ve saved you.
Reflection upon our closing words -
Wicked, unloving they were meant to be.
And I cup what’s left of my tender love;
Hoary ashes now free of a once warm soul.
Blown into the winds with hope of a final truce.
pic: http://dayangjuita.deviantart.com/art/The-glory-of-death-71946666
Author notes
This is about my soulmate Mike who died of a massive coronary at the age of 53. We'd gotten into an argument, and he was so heartbroken that he refused to call 911 when the symptons came about. The person he was with honored his wishes and left him alone to die.
Option Three:
Memories. Good or Bad, write about reminiscing something you can't go back and change or re-live.
'Color me Shutter-Tone Deaf'
**********Option numbah two
Tell about how you lost the love of your life. Paint me that picture of what happened the day your heart was broken. Make me feel your pain.
In a list
A contest entry
- guilt & self-consciousness. by Dienush.
400 points, ended February 23, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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very heartfelt indeed, best of luck
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Wow... this is intense and sad. I have no idea how I could have lived with that and you are brave to do it.
"To know now a call could’ve saved you" - that is one particularly intense line.
"And I cup what’s left of my tender love;
Hoary ashes now free of a once warm soul.' - this is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful couple of lines.
The poem really made me feel with your pain.
Stylistically, there's only one thing that somewhat broke the flow for me - I feel that some of the punctuation at the end of the lines was unneeded and it like stood in the way.
Other than that, this is incredibly touching. I hope you are well
~Diana
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This hurts, depression of that multitude you had no control over though you must know that. Oh I wish you had not had to go through that much pain.
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What a rotton thing to do- to allow himself to die knowing you would feel guilty about it for the rest of your life. Well, you are not to blame- he is, him and the person who didn't call 911. I would not feel guilty, I would be pissed.
Thanks for entering both of my contests. -
A very heart felt poem and extremly sorry you had to go through that. If you could shorten whats put in the Authers notes tho?
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well done....goodness....whew...bleeding to read,
and so wisely written....tender ending line!
Thankyou for the entry and the courage of your ink and
soul!
ears/Seattle
well done! well done!
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Sweetly wordcrafted. It brought back painful memories of a beloved uncle who took his own life. I wished I'd could go back in time and be there to help. I wished he could've seen how much joy and love he brought a shy little girl. I wished he could've had my father's strong arms around him to help his brother. But, he is at peace now, and surley must know of our love for him. We did not even know his whereabouts at the time. Thank you for sharing.
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An interesting and unique take on the prompt.
Abundant with imagery and metaphore--
Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!
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Riveting, and very brave!! Great job!
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I have done this.. I think it is called tough love.. We can not allow ourselves to become the enabler of another's insanity.. I have gone there done that and it always ended bad... I think a person must learn to stand on their own two feet. A friend can lend a helping hand, an ear, a kind word of advice. But to bring oursleves down or be controled by them ...Sorry .. let them commit suicide.. It is there life.and mine is not theirs...lol
ok, obviously this poem struck a nerve..
nice write!
Den
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VERY TOUCHING!!!!
I believe all of us have turned our backs on someone who needed our help at one time or another. I know later I have regretted it so much.
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