You stuck to my ribs
like porridge in February,
only much less comforting;
Self-serving idiot that you are,
you ravaged my essence
like a savage, sadistic lover
as your skin swallowed me whole.
Deeper, you cried,
so I finally thrust inward;
tongue-fucking flesh into surreal bliss,
until scarlet orgasms erupted
from your filthy crevice.
Crimson climaxes surged forth,
and I sealed the deal with a kiss
to your wrists, whispering sweet nothings
into the crook of your elegant neck;
crawling through inflamed veins,
leaving you no choice but to crave more of me;
addicted, though I had no intention
of ever being yours alone,
but I will see to it that you love me,
and we will breathe as one
in due time.
Author notes
*POW contest*
Self-harm, from the perspective of the razorblade.
Not personal, of course; simply an interesting thought that I had to try, given the frame of mind I‘ve been in these days. If you find the seemingly-erotic context to be disturbing, please let me know, and I’ll have at it again.
Possible bands: Nightwish (with Anette) or Lacuna Coil
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear by Arkbear.
700 points, ended September 21, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything but gold... by SchizoChic.
450 points, ended October 3, 2008, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest reguarding self-harm. by AutumnsFlame.
700 points, ended December 13, 2008, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver Pre-Writes by Leance.
450 points, ended July 12, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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I would like to thank you for taking the time to view and enter my contest.
Contests here on Allpoetry are a lot of fun and I hope that everyone enjoys them.
I will soon be posting a contest for BRONZE only poems. I do hope you will consider entering.
If you are dreaming, you should be writing
For dreams are words we should share
Sharing makes us all stronger
So thank you for sharing your dreams and words with me
Judging:
Well written, at first I thought it was refering to a sexual encouter. Nicely done!
Title: I would recommend a different title as it does the poem no justice what-so-ever.
Content: The content was very full given the subject you wrote about.
Imagery: Imagery and metaphors were excellent, as I stated previously, I thought you were writing about something else until the very end.
Grammar : No real grammar or punctuation issues.
Flow: The flow was very good. No pause or hesitation.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
-Napolean Hill-90
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Mmmm very good indeeed.
One thing, first impressions are essential and so a great title for your poem is definatly a must. Simply putting a Capital letter and a fullstop in the title can make a difference.
Very well written.
Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you.
Dani. -
excellent wording and brilliant attitude in this poem, i enjoyed each and every line... thank you for entering and good luck
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yeah i agree it is somewhat disturbing to me but nevertheless your choice of words are awesome despite of the fact that you never experience it. thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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...very very interesting...I like that you see it from the object that is committing the pain with no emotions of its own...
...I enjoy the structure of the piece...the way the lines run on from each other...it's always how I've enjoyed poetry just constantly going...the metaphors (like porridge gives a very nice image)...hmm...I know giving an animal human characteristics is known as anthropomorphism...but I don't know what it's called when you do it to an object...but yes...you've done that...and very well...I now understand the feeling of the razor...when I shave of course...very well done...and clever...
Oliver
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a magnificent pen
very strong emotionally
a great piece -
Brilliant.
One never stops to think from the perspective of another. Be it person, object or animal.
You have created a twisted love story that is so effective because in the bottom line, it is true to those of us that understand.
The sensuality, the swearing, it was all just more impact onto a brilliant, stark and truthful piece that smacks of reality.
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Very emotive piece
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Dark beautiful
This had an unsettling yet straight-forward feel to it. I enjoyed reading your work. The line that really stuck out to me:
Self-serving idiot that you are,
you ravaged my essence
like a savage, sadistic lover
as your skin swallowed me whole.
Shivers.
Great job!
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8.8/10
I loved the ideas that you penned in this piece; they were simply brilliant and well penned with definite potential. I loved the metaphors and imagery within these lines as well; you wrote them with such rawness and vividness. The only thing I can recommend for my future contests [since you're in] is making your poem longer, because I can tell that you have the talent, and you could definitely expand this poem with more ideas. Welcome to the finalists ♥
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Great poem! I enjoyed it, it did leave me off at the end, sort of a vagueness...but that's your style and I don't ask you to change it. I thank you for your entry. And have a great day!
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Now this is a clever piece. I had to re-read the third stanza at least a dozen times. It's perfect. The metaphor used here isn't something I'd have ever thought to associate with the subject matter, but in the context of this piece it fits very nicely. Well done.
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This is beautifully written, but it really took an emotional toll on me as a reader. I don't know how to explain it. The intensity of your comparison of cutting to a sexual encounter had such a huge shock factor that it almost detracted from how well it was composed.
This left me almost...confused. I loved it though. I wish I could explain it more clearly.
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I thought it was slightly disturbing, but it was still very beautifully written. Very clever. Great job. ~Chelsey
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this poem sent chills down my spine it was some how sadistic and i loved that...good luck.
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Dark, seemingly-seductive, and painful. I loved the gritty feel of this write. Well done!
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'You stuck to my ribs
like porridge in February,
only much less comforting;'
i love that opening, it's brilliant, i also love the unusual point of view, it wasn't until i read your AN that I knew about the razorblade & then when I read it again, it was so obvious.
this is amazing.
thanks for entering
♥
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YAAAYYYY this is the first poem entered in the contest that I actually REALLY liked! And I don't usually go for freeverse, but this was very interesting. I LOOVVE how you personified a razorblade. That was very creative and you have lots of creative imagery as well. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Wow I liked the viewpoint and where you took this poem. Who would have thought?
This is totally unrelated but just the viewpoint of the razorblade made me think of "God Of The Razor" by Joe R. Lansdale.
crawling through inflamed veins,
leaving you no choice but to crave more of me;
addicted, though I had no intention
of ever being yours alone
There are no words that can describe this piece, just speechless.
You did something only a talented writer could do, you took something that no one would have ever had thought of and gave it a life of its own.
Thats the best kind of poetry in my opinion.
Very talented indeed.
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Very Well Written
I loved the way it is written from the blade's point of view, very different. I like your vocab, your words just flow together to make a beautifully tragic piece
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Never shy away from writing the way you want when you want! (I don't think you do) This is superbly creative with luscious graphic images. There is a very dark perverse sensuality in this "blade" personal confession. Loved that! How the blade must lust after the flesh! Well written, superior in all its dark fermenting glory! Loved it! Geo
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Wow...this is an amazing way to write about self-harm. Wow...I am in awe, and amazement. Great job...
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I remember the first time I read your poem!
OMG!
for her fearless ink and soul I would climb nakked unto
Mt. ST.Helens even though she is an active volcano
rebuiding her dome!
Your fearless spirit truly captured us all breathlessly!
WE SALUTE YOU!
ears/Seattle
Damn Deserving of the trophy too!
THE POW is probably one of the most demanding contests
hosted on all of ap!
WAY TO CLAIM IT!
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Very seductive and powerful! I wouldn't suggest you change a thing.
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Wow, I would never have guessed this was about a razor blade, but you did a great job nonetheless. Thanks for sharing.
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No, I don't find this disturbing, you do not have to remove it. I like how you wrote it from the razorblade's point of view, personifying it. Great job!
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great write! thank you for entering the contest, good luck
♥
whisper
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wow I think the seemingly-erotic context is a great metaphor to use, perceiving the deep need to cut... thankfully I never would, but seems you have got into the mind of someone who does
thought provoking and has a great raw feeling throughout
Poppa
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Full of impact, images and emotion!
Congrats on the Silver!
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Hi there, and welcome to the POW
I agree with my co-judges that there is definitely some impact here! I have to say though, your entry is very borderline in both cursing and sexual content for being allowed in a PO contest. However, I can see there could be debate as to what is considered “massive” cursing. I do appreciate that you’ve put this in an “adult” category though, so thank you for that. If you enter future PO contests...which I hope you do...please be very careful in those areas as to what’s acceptable...we would prefer to keep the contest accessible to all ages...I hope you don’t take offense to this, but it is my feeling it crosses the line just a bit too much...and I feel it only fair to make a slight deduction in the rules category of scoring for this...the “F” word in particular...is not one we have ever, to my memory, tolerated before. 
But enough of that...let’s get to the poem itself, yes?
You have some very creative phrasing and although this is rather dark, it is also beautiful in its own way. I try not to look at the AN before reading a poem several times....so I have an idea if the intended theme comes through without explanation...but to be honest, this left me wondering just what it was about for sure. Very possible someone with experience with cutting would relate much easier...but since I’ve never cut, the thought didn’t really occur to me. Once I read the AN I got a lot more out of the poem, and I love the personification you’ve given the razorblade. The emotions in particular come through very well IMO, and I get a good sense of the love-hate kind of relationship this would be.
Grammatically, I’d have liked to see a few more periods, full stops, rather than the semi-colons, but otherwise a very nice job.
Writing from the perspective of the razor blade does give this a bit of a creative twist compared to many writes of this nature...the subject is so often written on though, it makes it difficult to give high scores in theme. I see the biggest strengths in your use of language, absolutely lovely...despite the subject matter
I do hope to see your talents in the PO’s again. Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck...my scores will be in with final notes.
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge comments, until after trophies are awarded.
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Thank you I know I pushed the boundaries a bit with language; that's just how I roll
And in case you didn't notice, I do love semicolons Call me obsessed, but I do love them!
As I said to a previous reader, I understand that cutting itself is a common theme, though most poems on the subject are whiny, woe-is-me sob-stories. No one ever gets to hear the razorblade's side of things, so I found it only fitting that it should have a voice. If only inanimate objects could talk
Thank you for the constructive review.
Laura
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Welcome to the POW! I Really enjoyed this write overall it really is so beautiful. your sexual inflictions and language as well as the masterful prospective to the knife is just wonderful, not your average "you hurt me so ill cut myself up" poem xP it really is extremely good. expressed with extreme emotions and originality here well done. The poem is very very deep, and I enjoyed the flow of it. overall very very near perfect One thing. Cap the title
My scores will be revealed with my final notes.
Thank you for entering
-vampy xxx
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Incredible!
Wow!!!!!!!!!!! I am absolutely blown away at this point of view from the razor blade. I really love the raw depth flow and the enguinity to the whole conceptual schemeatic to the poem here. I mean your erotic style twist to this poem was superb genius and I really found myself with a very wicked imagination understanding this poem and seeing this poem all take place. any ways great poem all round and kepe it up. the following was my favorite parts:
Self-serving idiot that you are,
you ravaged my essence
like a savage, sadistic lover
as your skin swallowed me whole.
Deeper, you cried,
so I finally thrust inward;
tongue-fucking flesh into surreal bliss,
until scarlet orgasms erupted
from your filthy crevice.
Signed, Tiger
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Hi and welcome to POW I too have seen this written about many times on here but never before from the razorblades thoughts.I who struggle with this it hit me hard.My score will appear at the close of the contest best wishes.
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Welcome to the POW for 9/19/08
A very intense write! Not my personal choice of
topic, but well written throughout.
I cringed a bit at the language, but got past it
to the emotional value of the poem.
A frighteningly intimate portrayal of this
rather sordid subject.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to
you in the contest.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Aloha and welcome!
First I have to say, I know you offended
some, with this write. I thought about it…
and although it isn’t my favorite subject…
or style…it is well done…and I myself
have written about cutting…Also, I was
highly offended once before by another
subject…but I was the only one…
With that being said:
Theme is not uncommon to me…I
entered “Switchblade Poets” in PO
several months back…
Your take…from the razor blade’s
point of view is unique and in my
opinion….sickening….but then…
there’s your impact!! LOL…
I do believe in artistic expression…
Write on! Best wishes in the contest.
My scores will be in final notes.
Remember: No editing once a judge has
commented on your entry!!
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I love this. I think the 2nd stanza is my favourite. nice work!
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Sorry but cutting turns me off.
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Normally it turns me off too, since I would never dream of doing that to myself. Most cutting-poems on the site are whiny, bitchy, woe-is-me sob-stories; so why not tell the razorblade's side of things? I thrive on the controversial
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Blessed be
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You have some really excellent lines through out the entire piece but for me (at this moment) the second stanza kind of yells for my attention.
Lovely descriptive write.
Good luck in your contest.
~Kristy
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perhaps "like february's porrige"? My parents told me to always delete the word "much" in my papers
lovely sex-death (well harm anyways) interpretat
ion. Freud would be happy
The fast-switch in the end of "ever being yours alone", then "breathe as one in due time" (cliche alert too!)
Great work here, you have some real genius
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I think that the erotic goes with it. You didn't know about this subject? However you painted a awesome picture before us. Good luck in the contest. ~~Iridessa~~
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You've expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
WOW! that was .............WOW! that was ......WoW!
that was .........WOW!
the voice you used in this...tore truly as razor sharp!
brillant writing....i wonder how many ..CLOSED THEIR
eyes in FEAR!
wow!
way to pierce us all!
Ears/Seattle
damn!
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I have to applaud the inner struggle portrayed in this poem. Good luck in the contest
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...and great imagery, might I add.
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I actually really love this. Its an unusual perspctive. Very vivid, a fresh view on the subject. Even as a deeply ashamed prolific cutter, I appreciate this lol. I don't find it too disturbing at all. You've shed some light...and the erotic content works well, methinks.
Thought provoking and beautiful. Strong but not offensive, just the right measure of brutality.
~Slug
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