Listen while you read
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=1033&ArtistID=9993
When you were just five years old
Your mother stole you from your dad
Then she took you to some island state
Where little boys were the hippest fads
But she did not realize how hard it'd be
To rearrange, and civilize
I guess older boys were much easier
They filled her purse, and never asked why
But I’m gonna ask why, because...
(Chorus)
I can see
I surmise
You are me.
(Bridge)
They put snakes in your hair
To complete your Gorgon stare
And now you’ve got the Midas touch
Too bad you wanted to control so damn much
You should just let go
You should just let go, like me
You should just let go.
When you were the latest queen
I heard you tied them up to burn your past
But being such a water sign
Your constant motion became your cast
And I always wondered who you really were?
But no one could recall your name
I guess you disappeared with so much success
You kept us pondering just why you came,
But I know why you came because...
I can see
I surmise
that you are me.
(Bridge)
Before they put their filthy hands on you
You made all my worst nightmares come true
Yes indeed, yeah you left your shadow
with a baby flame that...
No one can see
Because I see
I surmise
you are me
I am you...
you are me.
take a listen
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=1033&ArtistID=9993
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independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=1033&ArtistID=9993
Written January 21st, 2004
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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very sad writng but wriiten very well i agree you are a very talented.lovely images and music
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if you click on my homepage, you can find some other websites that will play the song for you.
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Fuck! My computer won't play the song. I thought the whole thing was very captivating, and am curious to hear the way the words flow in the song. I liked the way the first four lines expressed a sense of bitter truth, like someone revealing an old, well-kept secret to a naive, sheltered child. The fourth, in particular, was like a kick in the gut. I wish my computer didn't have such an anal-retentive security system...Good write, nevertheless.
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thanks, that's very flattering.
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This is great.
I love this. I love everything you write because I think you're some poetic God pretending you're human and having this mind that spins words worthy of some queen, somewhere. England, Spain.. doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're simply wonderful and I am filled to the brim with respect for what you do. -
Interesting. I think it was nice, and the lyrics are quite Depeche Mode-ish, which works.
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You know, songs are difficult... I guess early on my philosophy was
writing a song is like fucking a stranger you have a lot in common with.
Because, there are great parts and odd moments. The thing that fixes all of that nonsense is time. The more time that passes, the more people get familiar
with the spontaneous. The process of writing, and producer has as much
to do with it as my musicianship at the time. Eh, I'm reather happy with it.
It represents how I felt from 5 til about 25. To me, this song is a landmark.
I'm ndifferent to it, but I rather enjoy pissing of the rail, and telling people about how I crafted the canyon. Thanks for your feedback. I like honesty.
And just remember it seems like I have a big ego, because really, I sold
it with about a pound of cock, and post adolescent decadence. Now, I'm like Hess, in a dark pretty forest, familiar yet completely vile.
Edited on May 13 because ''. -
I've never been to Hawaii but somehow I get the sense of a deep connection for you. This is one of those reads that I like because it gives me the sense of more of an empath than a reality for the author. You capture the water sign so well, the pondering, the motion so elusive. I do apologize for not listening, don't have sound at the moment. Will bookmark so that I may come back and listen. Are you also on acidplanet?
~Michelle~
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Very good. A bit sad though but good non the less. I love this type of thing. I love lyrics and especially love music. Is this your band or someone elses, because if it is yours you really do have a talent for it.
-Billy the Kid- -
Honestly (as in MY version of the truth, which should in no way make this opinion any more valid than the next one): I'm not a fan of the sound, I prefer a simpler, more stripped down sound. Perhaps the deep voice and full sound are meant to emphasize the tongue in cheek nature that pervades your writings. As for the topic, I'd say you're repeating yourself. Don't you have another poem, about being prostituted as a child?
On to the poem, the third stanza (verse?) feels convoluted. I have a problem with the question mark in the line "And I always wondered who you really were?" On the positive side (and I know you don't need me to stroke your ego) I like how you approach the taboo, the risqué and try to make it poppy, I like the exotic/mythological images, and I just like water (it's awesome). -
beautiful
Oh my goodness! You put a lot of work and talent into writing something so fine as this! I admire you for it and enjoyed reading this so much. I tried to sing it, actually!
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These are great lyrics. But the thing that got me was the background. Great colors and pictues. I notice little things like that.
-Chase -
Okay, I'll admit that I'm being a lazy ass tonight, and I clicked and listened first instead of reading....but, in my present state, listening actually made more sense to me. I like it. There is a depth that cannot be described(I know...cop-out there), and it's eerier when listened to first and then reading it after. The whispers echoed through when I was reading and made it surreal.
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i like it.
It doesn't hit me too much now, but i'm sure it will later. It always does later.
Olivia -
good
"i am you...you are me." beautiful.
i like it a lot. it's not so much to understand, but to see...i like it a lot.
good work.
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Can't listen to the music but I didn't quite understand the lyrics. I clicked because I thought it might be some sort of Hawaiian thing...
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hmmmmmmm....... i kinda didnt get this but i do like the words the way they are arranged and such i know it doesnt make much sense to say that but it does to me ... -cassie-
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Basically (without going too much into transcribing) it means
'the little boy that's always playing in the water, or sea spray'. -
What does your title mean in Hawaiian?
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dangit! I don't have speakers on my computer so I can't listen.
But I thought the lyrics were great!
I think out of the poetry I really admire those that can write lyrics because it definitely isn't an easy thing to do.
Great job
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Awww that's a really sad song. It's beautiful though and I just hope this didn't happen to you. all the best and keep writing!!!
x Stef x -
''You should just let go
You should just let go, like me
You should just let go.'' I loved the layers in the music on that bit and the last chorus. It made a great read and song. Thougt that the meaning was clearer from reading than from the music. The guitar was fab in the music though, really gave it a good mood. Must listen to some of your other songs. Lots of effort, is clear nice to see xx xxx xx xxxxx -
I think the midas/medusa metaphor's work...this song is either really sad or really angry--I can't decide. Either way, though, I thought the song was very well done.
Peace, Kelly -
This was one time that I wish there had been more information available than just "lyrics". Glad to see you have such a fan base though. good luck.
Lily -
I guess the cliche is lost in actually listening to the song.
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you said it yourself. it doesn't matter.
Which IMHO renders the dual metaphores feeling gratuitous.
It was not merely heavy, but it also had a lot of weight!
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Really? So when one's been turned into gold, or to stone,
which victim has the better opinion of it? Unless you're an
alchemist, or a brainwashed freemason. I really don't think it matters. -
I am not critiquing the song. This is purely about this work as a poem. I found the line about "Midas touch" to be contradictory.
The Medusa turned others to stone with a gaze. Midas turned everything to gold with a touch. I don't think trying together
the 2 myths really works. Either alone is a good metaphore, but combining them feels gratuitous. Other than that I enjoyed the imagery and emotions in this poem. The refrain works very well as well with alliteration between the "s" in "see" and "surmise" and assonance between the "i" in "I" and "surmise".
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interesting title thats why i clicked..love the lyrics too though. great job and great twist on medusa!
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Thanks dude for the fantastic critique, you obviously are a quick typer like myself.
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Oh yea, longer guitar solos, please!
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First, like bd said, you've got guts to do this in the face of so much potential 'rejection' and derision! (boo-hoo!) Now, since we are all your 'friends' here on AP, shouldn't we get the CD for free?
Since you were so gracious to be in my 'private eye' piece (I used 'asshat' if you don't mind!) I will indulge you here...
Well, I'll click on this 'headliner' piece (Growl) at the top first because usually the 'top' piece is the artist's most promising 'popular piece' (and not necessarily the most artistic! I'll dig down for the real art later!...)
Now you know I do music too, so don't think of me as a 'consumer', but as another musician...
and now for the 'fellow musician' critique: first, the preconceptions: I'm expecting a slow piece, based on the assumption that you don't practice eight hours a day, your being a writer, too... let's see, what other preconceptions do I have- maybe lots of strings, an economical way to give a piece depth... (remember- I haven't heard anything of yours, except one piece, I think it was a 'spoken' piece, and it escapes me at this moment, which is good for my 'preconceptions' here... OK, the biggest, if you 'sing', I would expect it to be terrible, since you are a writer! Now the most that can happen is that it will be 'high art' and way ahead of it's time... now 'knowing you' a bit also clouds my objectivity here, so let me blow away the clouds... (OK, clicking) (hey, just that alone is cool, now that I think of it, the 'poem' having a completely original musical spoken aspect to it!)...
dang, I got another one instead, and lost the original AP page with the lyrics on it... this one... you're in military prison... you've got a cool voice, and mock the conformity quite expertly, (as if it could happen without plastic surgery, and as if everyone didn't already have their place in the world!), this is really interesting- the words, attitude, and the music, they are not a ripoff of anything else- and quite polished (you must live in LA or have been doing it for a while, or both!) Like nothing I've heard on the East Coast here... but I'm supposed to be commenting on the above piece, so let me stop this one and go back and try another link...
nope, all the links go to the 'prison' piece, which doesn't match the 'Growl' lyrics... let me try the second piece, and get back to the prison piece later... (your probably thinking, 'oh, just buy the damn CD already!')...
OK, the next link matches the lyrics, the Ho'ope piece (great title... Hawaiian I'll guess)... let's see what I hear... (power pop it says...) electric guitar and bass... cool, unconventional Oooooooo's... yea, Velvet Underground... loungy... (which isn't bad!) damn! Missed all the lyrics (I was into the instrumentals and the surface sounds of the vocals...) let me start it over... nah, I think I'll hear it through just for structure effect... sass... pondering... cool harmonies in the chorus... are those the 'Werewolves', or is that you dubbing yourself?! near end now... guitar player exhibits some vibrato, and seems to be enjoying it a bit... woah, big piece of static a few seconds after the song is done! Well, critique- I believe on the first dozen or two listens, it will be enjoyed by the listener as 'ambience' music, with only a word or two caught here and there... after my first listen, since I forgot to follow along (I was instead forming a mental image of the 'band'), you can see I only caught a few words, you could have been saying anything and it wouldn't have made any difference! (hey, pass me a beer, got a light? Ow, there's a blister on my finger. Hey, what was the Dodger's score last night...!) Such are words slighted when there is music involved!
OK, let me try again, and give extra effort to the lyrics this time... btw, your stuff is good enough, I sense a lack of marketing and imaging!) cool psychedelic start... didn't notice that the first time... Ah, while it comes to mind, I know what you're missing- the 'top of the lungs belt-it-out' ability/parts which separates that played on the radio and that not...) you chorus's vocals are louder, but only half-way to 'radio-play'... so my suggestion is to develop a good 'top-of-your-lungs' vocalization... or get the werewolves to belt it out behind you! "But I know why you came, because I..." (here is where the belt-it-out radio play part would be..., because radio knows that the public likes singers who can belt it out when the time comes...)
So as is, it gets my 'high-art' stamp. If you belt out the chorus and speed it up, it will get the 'radio-quality' stamp and you'll have your popular 'sales' radio piece, and your 'prison' piece and other spoken worders will be your 'high-art' album cuts!
So that's my assessment. I wonder if I got my six points for this comment yet?!!
Edited on Aug 04, 8:54 p.m. because ''. -
very nicely penned .. the flow is wonderful .. I like the way you incorporated it into modern day .. beautifully done .. thankyou for entering and I wish you the best of luck in the contest .. keep the ink flowing
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If I had speakers to this comp I would have listened as I read. But I don't which is a shame. The lyrics are well written, and for a child it is very bitter and angry, however I think it shows an extremely intelligent view. The slight ways in which you incorporated pieces of the tale was clever and done extremely well. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
Shari
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whenever he combed his hair he got a piece of asp....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Is there a link to the music?? Is it available in the stores?
Dee
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Why can't you?
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Hmmmm... wish I could hear this ....I bet it's cool set to music. The words are kinda angsty, no not 'kinda'.. to me they ARE angsty. Sad what a child goes through sometimes, and awesome to think that what we go through growing up make us what we are today.... not good or bad, just what we are, however our childhood effected us.
Good song, Jeremi. Like I said, I wish I could hear some of your music.
Dee
Edited on Sep 25, 3:33 because ''. -
Ah. Perfect design for this song...
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Ukelele Lullaby
OKay...I got this puppy playing whilst I compose my thoughts. I kind of expected ukuleles (no, I do not know why...p'raps its the title), but instead I'm hearing "The End" played backwards...in an obverse sort of way and it ain't bad, ain't bad at all. Momma wouldn't understand, but hell, the joke's on her eh?
The words impart a good snarling rage that transcends the mundane and makes me care (which is a VERY good thing) about this 5 year old.
The chorus (Horus) (yeah, I like that cadence - it appeals in some strange sick way ... but now that I think of it, I'm reminded of "Dammit, Janet" from Rocky Horror) is a bit of Truth realized and punctuates the tone of the piece.
Good write. Good song. Let's do lunch. -
i listened to this one too, i put my music match on shuffle and it plays them randonly but ya
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