I can't hold it anymore
I can't fight
It's killing me
The notion that innocence is now nothing but ancient history
That I need to look back too far to realize it
That fame has destroyed it
It's killing me
To know that a hundred souls I killed
And a thousand feelings I injured
But I'm still living so fine
It's breaking me
While dreaming of the past
Of the time I was pointed at
The time I was talked about
Of every innocence, kindness I had
It's scaring me
That my footprints become no more clear on the path
And those evil nightmares beat the dreams I had
That the world sinks deep
While I stand
Watching the scene going mad
A contest entry
- inspire me........how far have you come? by doesne1care.
465 points, ended October 24, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Autobiographical by Dead Hair.
675 points, ended November 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MY FIRST CONTEST! PEN ME A POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by The Otaku.
490 points, ended October 22, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blow Me Away. by Dead Red Head.
400 points, ended November 5, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very well written, and very enjoyable.
"That my footprints become no more clear on the path"
i liked that line especially. Very creative and unique.
Although "I's breaking me" i think you forgot a "t" there. Just letting you know.
All in all, bloody brilliant write. Very well done.
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The ending was the best part, and flow was amazing! I can completely relate, and I think all people can.
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Great
The only part I don't think quite fits is the line "But I'm still living so fine." It threw me off when I was reading it. Other than that I think this poem is really good. Many people will be able to relate, because innocence is so easily lost and you can never get it back. Also I know many people (including myself) that have hurt people, and its never fun knowing that you have. Sometimes you are forgiven, but sometimes you are not and you have to live with the guilt forever. I loved the poem -
I love how abstract this is and how little sense it makes! Try images over loaded words like "sounds, history, innocence, kindness"
There has to be some concrete grounding for this to make sense -
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