Long ago
these feet were tiny -
instead of carmine heels
they paraded ruby mary janes.
Once I stood - proudly defiant -
in this corner
where I now crumple and wilt.
Yesterday's girl
seemed so much smarter and stronger,
more able to adapt and overcome
than the frail and frantic woman
I've become
who has failed to thrive.
I place flat palms
against the grey wall I covered
in scribbles of flowers and sunshines
with purple markers -
eighteen years ago
I can't see those sunny skies
in my mind anymore
or pull my self up -
inch by arduous inch again.
Hope was ripped out of my hands
more quickly than those markers,
I outgrew childish innocence
before those pretty patent mary janes.
Author notes
Prompt: picture:
http://evilxelf.deviantart.com/art/Yesterday-s-Girl-38650200
I'm not entirely sure why, but this is what came to me when I saw that picture.
I know you had a tough childhood, Manda, and I hope this doesn't bring pain back for you - but maybe it's sort of what you saw in this picture, too?
You should know that you can always have faith in yourself, your talent, your wonderful spirit, and your ability to create your own bright future. 
You are gorgeous and so adored. No matter what blows and scars your past has dealt you - realize you are in charge of your life now - and your gift is helping other people heal their own scars.
A contest entry
- May I Prompt You? by PhantomsAngel87.
300 points, ended October 3, 2008, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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You captured the agony of the loss of innocent here so very, very well.
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I read this quietly, not just in a quiet room, but with a quiet mind, and let the deterioration sink in, the desperate position of a dark present leading to a dark furure. Very effectie writing.
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i love this one. So descriptive and real
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One can clearly see so much of this story that is coming from every line, and every line in between.
It makes me sad and infuriated that people, children, can be treated in such a way. How do people become like that..to think it's okay to be so evil..
You have really enabled me as a reader to feel some of what I imagine was intended in this piece. I could never fully understand but I can certainly try...this really makes me think.
♥
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very nice and personal
pleasure to read
thank you -
Another lovely and sad bent by a deep feeling and talented master
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Congratulations on silver. You already know I love this poem.
Garrison -
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Thank you, Garrison.
You were on my mind today, actually.
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This is beautiful and deep full of imaginary and a slow growth to a new life.
Well done and fabulously penned!!
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Thank you - I love that sunset picture on your avatar.
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The imagery of her eighteen years ago in those pretty ruby mary janes is the strongest for me in this poem; I could feel her innocence dying as the drawings behind her touch her palms ... Just stunning!
You are beautiful
♥
Thank You & Best of Luck
Stay safe
~Manda
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Thank you, Manda.
I hoped you would like it.
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Wow
Those Mary Janes are pretty shoes. Why did your feet grow so much? How big are they? Are you gonna e-slap Jessica? Don't I ask a lot of questions? Wanna know what I think of this poem?
Wow.
Joe
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Actually - my feet are still very small
I only wear a size 4 (kids). My Mom wears a 3.
I like questions. Curiosity is the gateway to intellect.
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i love how it was centered around shoes, as a girl i love shoes and how you used them as a symbol of a better time was great good luck :]
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Oh, this is beautiful. The imagery and the wording was very well-done. Best of luck in the contest; it deserves to place.
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What you have been, you can be again. Most of us need to unlearn the people we are and remember who we were. Under it all, we are all still who we were.
Excellent write. Very emotional and thought provoking. An excellent lesson in holding on to what is best in us and letting go of what does not serve us well.
Good luck in the contest.
Garrison
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I very much love the title that you have chosen. It has the inner tension of a wound up top. I am given the impression that the girl that you speak of is just that: not yesterday's girl and not today's girl, but a person who is perpetually 'cornered.'
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thank you
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WOW
Splendid write Allie
Your words have brought this image to life
You captured the image to perfection
In fact, your words speak much louder than the picture itself
I think you could have been writing about me, Manda, or even yourself...we all have experience troubled past but as you said that is all in the past.
The entire piece is great
The final stanza...BRAVO!
Wish you the very best in the contest
Much love
David
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thank you
yes, I did write this with our pasts in mind - hope it wasn't too invasive
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Upon reading this, I noticed the heavy usage of dashes, which isn't really a pet peeve of mine because I rely on them too sometimes...
I just thought I'd say that [not everything I say is for a reason...]
My feet are still damn tiny--LoL. I'm like, a size 4/5/6 [if I wear a 6, I stuff in insoles] in shoes. It's bloody confusing.
"Yesterday's girl"<--is this an oldies song, or just a familiar phrase? Well anyways...I think it works nicely here--it has a sadly nostalgic feel.
"than this frail and frantic woman
I've become
who has failed to thrive."
I think your 'this' would sound much better as a 'the', to make it "than the frail and frantic woman". I think it reads off a lot smoother [feel free to e-slap me...]
"I place my palm flat"
Could this be: "I place flat palms/against the grey wall I covered"
I think the 'I' and the 'my' are slightly redundant because well...it's kind of obvious you're still talking about the same person, right?
I think you used 'arduous' perfectly--it's such a pretentious word, but you find the most perfect, unpretentious area for it. Nice.
That last stanza--perfection.
Good luck
Fe
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You have brilliant suggestions. I always love your comments because they are honest (yet inspiring) and help me strengthen my poetry.
I definitely agree with yoru ideas.
Thanks
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Hardly brilliant...
De nada
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Dejection eats when and where it wants, huh? There's a hopefulness in this though, that the little girl might still be waiting.
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Yes, I think I do detect the hopefulness - it slipped past me
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