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Fucking In Metaphor

Urgency
pulled tight


snapped

left the key
dangling
in the door

pinned our
bodies

against a wall

as Monet
crashed
to the floor -

we forgot the poets
we once were

so quietly satisfied
with the serenity

of fucking
in metaphor


our beautiful pens
rather than cock
and tongue

thrusting
into the belly
of the moon,

soliciting
sighs
from an otherwise
silent universe.

Against a wall

we were undone
zippers
and buttons

wet with sweat

groaning
grinding

 

finding

 

our way back

into

the real world

 

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no notes unless you feel i need to take some...

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Comments

1 - 70 of 70

  • Rovingone gold member
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    Extremely original metaphor. And, it certainly expressed actions and movement all the way through. I have to applaud your inventive new way of capturing the thoughts others express in most mundane means.

  • Just a poet gold member
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    Fuck!

    I miss you Mermaid


  • penman gold member
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    So very powerful descriptions and images used. So very well done. Thank you for sharing.

  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is some damn fine work ... give me some of what you are drinking


  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Geesh I'd do a doberman for a Monet
    , and you go knocking one to the floor.
    Joe


  • Meej
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa...this is a fantastic time. Really clever use of words and I love how you create such a strong picture for the reader of where the whole situation is occuring...especially with the painting crashing to the floor! great write!


  • Amarillistarshot silver member
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I'm at a loss for words. I have no idea what to say. No praise can really do this justice, and I can't find any sort of flaw. Just wow. I guess that will do...


  • Sean Ottoson
    September 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lady Lane

    I feel like I'm in a group grope, back in the seventies. Everybody want a piece of the hot chick. I think you uncorked the bottle on just about everybodies feelings here.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful.

    ♥
    whisper


  • poetryality silver member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am so fucking embarrasserd Lane. I actually watched all this happen, right before my very eyes, and you allowed me to see this "fucking metaphor" taking place. LOL Great Work dear lady!


    Much Love Always ♥

    Renee

  • Cinnarry gold member
    September 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hellfuckingyeahgoddamnedrighton! Salivates over Laney.


  • chilali
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha. I've just got one word for you. WOW! Nice work Way to go!


  • Amera gold member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can’t believe you used the “F” word! You did write this poem to me didn’t you? You mention things only “we” would know.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • HaleyMary
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful, passionate write, Lane. I liked the part of the silent universe. It makes me think of how when two people who love each other are alone, it can seem like for that moment, they are like the only people in the world. Thanks for sharing your talent and keep that pen flowing.


  • PerVirtuous
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry. I got a headache. Catch me another day...

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Allan....

      pffft....a headache, he says. Lane xxoo


      • PerVirtuous
        September 19, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well I do have a headache. You want I should fuck when I don't feel like it? You're an animal!!

  • Just a poet gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If you don't mind, I won't bother making my way back to the real world, closing my eyes and sharing that world with you will do just fine.


  • Sesheta
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thrusting into the belly of the moon...finds our way back into the real world...this sensuality makes me feel like a middle schooler peeking at mom's romance novels...so delicious


  • Alyzeh
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    One word. Hot, that too extremely! Haha Good work! *thumbs up*


  • gllarso
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMG!!! Hot...Sensual...did I say HOT? wow, very good I love it, everything about this poem is fantastic.


  • Malabu
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow just wow...i cant seem to remember such fusion anymore...it's been long time ago such metaphors like this were not so much, just dream...and this is!

    just damn good poetry, i could never write
    mal


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    They were getting it where it counts.
    Well done, Lane.


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think I can say anything new that hasn't been touched upon. So I will rise in applause. BRAVO!!


  • JohnnyD gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    La vie et passion, tourbillonnante dans la chaleur de votre esprit.

    Hmmnn, uplifting notes to read for 2 AM- glad the dog needed to go out



    Len


  • nordicsky silver member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You don’t need to take any notes, it’s all tucked away inside a fascinating mind.
    I loved the way this poem slipped in and out of metaphor and reality, the two conjoining effortlessly.

    Your writing rocks.

    Love, Peter


  • notorious gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well shit, I think my nonexistent dick fell off...

    You are one of the few poets who can use so many gerunds and make me almost want to hug a gerund... It just works so well with your prose-esque, awesomesauce style.

    "as Monet
    crashed
    to the floor -"
    This makes me think of forgetting "artistic intentions" or a literal painting falling on the floor--LMAO.
    My favorite part, and the italicizations=groovayyyy

    "we forget the poets
    we once were"
    LMAO--this is kind of humorous for me...
    It's like losing dignity after a few boners and drinks.
    My GOD, you are dirty Lane...


    "an otherwise/silent universe."
    Wow, genius.
    This makes me think of say, people living in apartments who can't sleep because there are people fucking upstairs. Man, I am glad to live in a house...

    That ending--perfect.

    Absolutely disgusting.
    Absolutely genius.

    Loved it.

    Fe


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok so you make the guys sweat. OK so you rack up more comments with one poem than I do with six (envy envy envy). What I want you to do to me is knock me over with the brilliance of your writing - stop me dead in my tracks with a single phrase.

    The first five lines grab my attention. The rest carry me through to the end. Enough said.



  • zochit2me gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn Lane...
    You are makin the guys sweat
    I love what you did with this



    ♥Becky♥


  • Cannonsfire
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    er....no notes needed


  • tara wilson gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow - speechless here!


  • Jaden silver member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent writing.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jaden

      Good to see you again Thank you so much for the read and the clappies Lane

  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Bet you wanted a cigarette after writing this.
    Joe


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      boy, don't you know it! Joe, what would I do without you? I don't know. Now go put a shirt on... Love, Lane


  • Lj-
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very cool

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Lj

      Hey, thank you so much for coming by! Love, Lane


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    humm...entering into the life is always be a risk..in both ways..even if we are successful...the lose is iinevitable....


  • sailor ptolema
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so good .

    meg

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for the grin and for the read lane


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *Thud* I had a similar dream just the other night.

    You are the queen of sensual/erotic Lane, no doubt in my mind, nice work.


    With much love,
    mj.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      handing you an ice pack...hope that thud didn't leave a bruise
      Thank you, Michael, for the compliment, but mostly, for just being you. Love, Lane


  • Peteskid gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful...PK...

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the rose is beautiful thank you, kiddo Love, Lane


  • MuddyKing
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    is jealous...my metaphors never feel that good
    damn

    I owe you a million clappy guys because these three are for the cigarette after the fact

    damn

    peace and huge hugs
    Muddy


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Muddy

      lol...still laughing. Pass that cig...I'm pooped Thank you for reading and for the applause - I really love it when you stop by my poetry. Love, Lane


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    NO Notes!!???

    I feel like I have to take them!! l.o.l. DAMN! Laney you haven't drove everyone insane enough? is it necessary to do this to us poor fools who already grovel at your feet? l.o.l. Terribly hot, and well hot piece!! sheesh i'm taking a shower! (cold!)


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Richard

      I seriously doubt if you have to take notes After reading some of your work, I feel honored to know that I finally got YOU in a cold shower lol You always make me smile, you know that? Love, Lane


  • csmmoms2
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    In my last note I felt that you might ampt things up a bit but
    i didn't know that I'd have fasten my seatbelt. A fine and smooth sexual scape. Well written and to the point.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I appreciate your read and your comment, my friend. Sometimes it just feels good to take OFF the seatbelt, you know? Love, Lane


  • arafura gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! But I'd rather forget the pens in such a situation! Great poem poet!


  • nevadapoet
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Where's The Hose???

    Wow lady...you are amazing!!! that I'm sure you already know. What a delicious romp you wrote here, so full of vivid images that seductively strips away the metaphoric words "zipper and buttons" that dress this sensual write, one word at a time. I felt as a voyeur might feel, excited to witness the raw sexuality that you so cleverly expose "against a wall" while being lost in the urgency of need and the excitment of instant gratification. Shit...it took me a moment to find my way back after I ran out of words...you were so abrupt, leaving me wanting more. That's never happened before, not from reading a poem at least. I guess you could say you did your job here and you did it well. I am in awe!!! Thank you for sharing your great talent here.

    Shelly


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i never dreamed i would get a comment like yours - you've really made me proud here Thank you so much, Shelly, for taking the time to get what I was saying. That means more than you know. Love, Lane


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This may be your best yet.



    xxx
    D


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      David

      Darling, you say that about all of my poems Go read your messages, and visit Richard...you sound grumpy. Love, Lane


  • tomisb
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    well. . .

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yyyyyep....well Thanks for reading, Tom. Lane


      • tomisb
        September 19, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Some century, when we have a conversation hidden in our own language and forget about the time it takes, there will be more.
        Peace,
        Tom B.

  • strangerforeigner
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *whew* hot!


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This***is***a***very***nice***po***em.



    Paul


  • BehindTheShadow
    September 18, 2008
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    ...


  • rhondasail
    September 18, 2008

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    Oh...I don't know...seems pretty dang poetic to me...I like metaphor as much as the next guy, but the real world just feels so good...and you put them together here...I think WE all should be takin' notes... ...Love your style Lane...(can I catch my breath now?)...I like all the punchy words like snapped, pinned, thrusting...really effective in keeping the urgency alive...very RED...mmmm. Peace, Rhonda

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for the comment, Rhonda. Love, Lane


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Fuck!


1 - 70 of 70