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[Take Me] Then

I gave to you
A
  perfect
            piece
of my heart
A [shattered] glimpse into my soul.
scattered s*t*a*r*s in my im[perfection]
a recollection of b:.r.o.k.e.:n promises.

Have you thought of me recently?
Can you s/m/e/l/l me on your tattered sheets?

I b(r(e)a(t)h(e) in the r.o.t of you
on my own f u c k i n g skin.

Is it sin
      to
          hate
              something so b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.?

Is it wrong to ((Love)) you?

Please tell me, I am done lying to >>myself<<
Paint me up in d.i.r.t.y lies.
:.hang.: me upon your [devious] deception.

I am y.o.u.r.s
only because I .:let:. you have me

Author notes

Dirty Pretty is an interesting style!

~Ambrea~

A contest entry

Be Honest

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 13
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is done reasonably well. The emotion and voice of the poem is present and painful, with a dash of sarcasm for flavor. You have used just enough of the dirrty pretty technique to get this properly recognized as such but have counterbalanced that with a poem your reader can connect with. The biggest issue I have run into with reviewing dirrty pretty poetry is that the author either goes overboard with the symbols or doesn't know enough about how to use them for them to be effective. Neither is a problem in this piece. I would suggest that you incorporate some alternate symbols than the ones found on your keyboard. It will make your work all the more interesting!

    In any case, congratulations on the number of trophies this has already garnered you & best wishes.

    - Bean Sidhe


  • Fallen-Thumper
    November 9
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    thank you for entering

    its added to the finalist, i just love this piece, just amazing and i love it, great job! The imagery was everything and im loving the style, excellent! Good luck and thanks for entering!
    -penguin-


  • x--nocturnia--x
    October 31
    Edit | Reply
    Utter beauty in all its dirty glory. Well done and good luck...


  • Not-The-Sun gold member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really cool : )
    first dirty pretty poem i have read thus far, and i have to admit, i like it. i didnt feel like the symbols and punctuation got in the way at all, in fact they sort of helped me read this as if it were you reading it, based on what to emphasize and which words would be spoken more slowly or quickly; and even without the dirty pretty aspect of it, the poem itself is really good. i think some of the lines could have question marks at the end of them when you are in fact asking questions, but that's just my opinion.
    anyway great work with this : )


  • fairy princess k
    September 23

    Edit | Reply

    hey k

    Kool Dirty Pretty Poem =) , you have a unique style of writing , this was nicely written,creative and brilliant. thanks for your entrie, byyyyyyyyyye k


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 22
    Edit | Reply
    definitely much stronger then your other piece


  • EvenStarsBreak--x
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A Truly amazing write. =] Very powerful and deep emotions. Great imagery as well. Thank you for your entry and good luck.

    x-Pretty-Odd-x <3


  • jazzcat gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the "dirty pretty" style is great fun and you worked it well. I like your style in here and the emotions you pour out.

    'A [shattered] glimpse into my soul.
    scattered s*t*a*r*s in my im[perfection]
    a recollection of b:.r.o.k.e.:n promises.'

    Very strong and deep. I look forward to reading more of your work.


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...

    Loving this...

    I b(r(e)a(t)h(e) in the r.o.t of you
    on my own f u c k i n g skin.

    Favourite part!

    (I once tried dirty pretty. I don't think it likes me!)
    Great write here. You can feel the emotion. I love the idea of a visual representation of feeling.


  • Nangaleema
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i thought this was an interesting piece and i loved that you experimented with the form - i thought it was refreshingly unexpected. i thought the way you disconnected and separated the letters in certain words reinforced the idea of being broken or shattered. nifty write. - NANGALEEMA


  • Jaffa-
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was really great and very very interesting, You can really painted a picture for me in the first stanza. Amazing style of writeing that really captured the poem. Awesome write.
    xoxo

1 - 12 of 12