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t-r-a-n-s-l-i-n-k of relief

*thoughts bursting my brain, I rush
  *to the comp, to the comp
*to unload my mind
  *upload my mind-brain,
*jacking my fingers into the keyboard,
  *synaptic pitterpatter connect connect transfer;
*processor too slow to accommodate my thought processes;
  *passion and crap spilling, overflowing, gush-rush-gushing out of these
*hands, into the
  *life I know best - cybernetz.

+Then I take my words and I
  {s.t.a.c.k} them,
      stick stack them,
    stick-stack tic-tak
  stik stic stac stak-
Until until
  until
until:

._I am
c a l m
again_.

Author notes

This one should be relevant to our group.

I tried a fresh new style. I kinda like it. Also, this is my first attempt at dirty pretty. I feel pretty iffy about that x.X

I definitely will read some on the reading list eventually; I just gotta catch up on some school work x.X

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Antebellum
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for entering.

    [if you end up in the finals I will comment better]


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written


  • jayyniecakes.
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    i like the ending... it really is a very nice last line...

    but I can tell you've never written dirty pretty before, because its not enough symbles ....

    best of luck in my contest

    xoxo jane


  • Kathraina silver member
    February 1
    Edit | Reply

    Judged-ola!

    really...interesting lolz


  • Quill Bill
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i can relate to the input of finger not keeping up with out put of brain, think the idea behind the poem is beter then the poem itself but you got your message across well done.


  • The Imperfection
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I read the first section a few times before I could really comprehend the emotion behind it. This work will be in History Books for school children in the future...it's a perfect symbol of how much the generations have changed.

    As for the second part, I absolutely honest-to-goodness loved it! It's flawless...the flow, the true sensation of typing...it has a "wow" effect on me. I also like this poem because my sister is addicted to the computer, and I never understood why, but now I may think I do...a bit. I always love a new perspective.

    ~Kara

    P.S. My OCD for grammar is eating my insides...the group list should be "the keyboard is mightier THAN the pan." Gah. Sorry.

    • superl337sauce
      September 18, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      At least they didn't misspell pen lolll

      73h 1nt3rn3tz ist l1f3 !1!!!!1!
      That's a motto by which I try to live ^.~
      But for some reason, I end up with a lot more free time w/o the computer xDxD

      Grammar OCD is a good thing~! I have it too =\
      I learned to deal with it though; it's a necessity if you want to browse this site w/o a "worser gramar" induced migraine.

      Aaanyways, thanks for your comments; I'm glad you enjoyed it~

      • The Imperfection
        September 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        umm...well...er... Keyboards ARE mightier than pans, after all! We now have...*don don don-don!* MICROWAVES!!

  • lyrebird gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty good for a first attempt =]

    One of the things that I see most people do when they first begin writing dirty pretty is over-punctuate, which you have done a bit here, like in the title, but I liked your words.

    And on a totally unrelated note, I noticed your name is Michael Chen which is weird, because I was just thinking about my brother, and his name is Michael and our mother's maiden name is Chen. But I'm rambling, so, great poem and hope you continue trying this style out

    -- Jojo x sinnocence

    • superl337sauce
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thankssss

      Thanks for taking the time to read this.
      I've toned down the title.
      And I'll be sure to keep in mind everything you've advised me.

1 - 10 of 10