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Tropical Visualizations

Lustrous waves crash upon my tropical beach,
              as visualizations of a hidden paradise are kept as my idol's.

 

 

Lambent tongues of passionate paint,

                                     wash upon my stilted center.

 

Worlds of colossal harmony & tranquility,

              rinse through my every pore.

 

                            Zephyr's of Joesph's dream-coat shimmer in my every vein,

                           assuring every important part of me is beautiful. 

 

Whisks of perfection sift through my bold stem,

                                overflowing at my anther & awaiting company.

 

 

          As the breeze filters through my ever structured beauty,      

 my body seems to flow like a mermaid in it's sea.

 

         Hidden ataraxia engulfs my whole structure.

      all I'm left to murmur is,

            "this place is my ecstasy"

Etchings of an eternal elegance,

whisper to me in a undoubtedly alluring way.

 "Caress, touch, feel, move with the wind, with I"

 

As my whispers echo and reach out,

grabbing every particle and movement made,

"make me one with you" 

 

Winged secret reveal themselves,

unraveling my mind to a new existence.

 

These kinetic bones, motivate & touch,

              perfectly swaying with every waltz of fresh,

                                  Mother earths every breath. 

 

 

These vibrant, pulsating petals,

alive & animated, embracing the ambient noises,

Of every grain of air as the world moves in harmony. 

 

"A lilys equilibrium" 

Author notes

Lambent >> dealing lightly and gracefully with a subject
Zephyr >> a gentle, mild breeze
ataraxia >> a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety.
murmur >> a low, continuous sound, as of a brook, the wind, or trees, or of low, indistinct voices.


hope this is ok and gentle enough for the challenge. i tried and im proud of it

A contest entry

Comment and Die

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is highly vivid and has some great imagery. And there is that word again...zephyr

    Excellent write

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • Kinky Cuffs
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful. Like a Paradise it blooms in the mind. Great job!


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Imagery and words are beautiful. Very well done.


  • Dark Otter
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!

    This is gold material. May it receive its just recognition. This is great conception from beginning to end.


  • Samantha Marie
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh this was amazing!! a delight to read!
    the imagrey was so powerful, and yet so light and comforting at the same time (if that makes sense lol)
    i loved it!
    beautiful write
    thanks for entering


  • FaithNoMore
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahhhh this is so un kitty like...it's certainly far away from mistresses, vampires and such. I can certainly feel the tropical aura of this soothing poem. Great write.


  • Tercil gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I like this one, there is much to read, like little poems to choose from, and I read them scattered about. There was warmth and sentiment in your words and it gave a feel for paradise. Really nice.


  • Victory Gin silver member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, sensual, visual, complex and rich with a good selection of words. The way the poem is presented is aesthetically pleasing. Open up a vein why don't you! Gently, of course.

  • Cindy
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a great imagination you have my dear. I love this one, it is chucked full of poetic waves swaying with each new line. Wonderful


  • Mgreen
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's exhilirating! Great language, description, and form.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some very unique images you weave here that captive this reader as well as the content. So great reading you, and you have much talent and imagination. Keep up the wonders of you sweet sis. Much love.

    Brother Timothy


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Unbelieveable

    I am absolutely down right impressed by the incredible depth and beauty through out this poem here Sweetems. I am really amazed at how much help you have received with your poem here and how you have taken it all to heart & turned this write into such a spectactular poem. Sweetems I am so impressed by this poem I am beyond words LOL! any ways Unbelieveable work here and keep it up as I always love each and every beautiful poem that comes from your beautiful muse. Love always, your Darkened Angel


  • luckynsincere
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my... One thing I have truly missed lately is reading a good freeverse poem! I love to watch the lines fall and move with the read! Nice play of words.

    As you mentioned the line requirement was not met, but it was a lesson learned I feel. Remember, if you are EVER unsure about the smallest of deails... just ask There is never a stupid question asked A few rounds from now that one mistake could have cost your place here, but I feel that one minor detail will not neccessarily make or break the chances. HOWEVER: for future reference, as the competition shrinks, the judges deductions will matter more. When there is only 4, 5, or even 6 one point could cost you. EDIT EDIT EDIT... be sure about your entry.

    As for keeping it soft, YOU NAILED IT!!! Right on target! I felt the passion and love. There were a few small things that will need to be edited when judging is complete:

    In the 7th line, "joseph's" should be put with a caps

    The 9th line, "whisk's" should be "whisks".

    the 14th line "i'm" should be "I'm"

    and the 18th line there is no space between "feel, move" and it should be



    I must compliment you IMMEDIATELY on your word play. You keep it soft and smooth throughout the poem, and right from the beginning you drew me in and held me there. This poem is a breath of fresh air. You have a talent for freeverse.. and for the softer side.

    I actually feel this is one of my favorites for the week.

    Good luck in the judging!!

    Mel




    • Lost Vampyre Angel
      September 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yeah i know it could have cost me. but bear said i could edit it i think he said something about letting me edit it and add lines but idk if i misread that or not.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First impression, this is free verse The words glide loosely over the page, flowing without form or restraint, beautifully done Second thing I see is your seven lines short, important that you triple check all requirements IMO visualizations in the title should be capped Some of the words you have used I wouldn't expect to see in a write as softly done as this. colossal & Etchings for example are strong, harder words, usually used in poems with darker tones, but they are in keeping with the rest of your write, not an easy thing to do, very well done Great to see some different words in here to, ataraxia for example. You have obviously spent time carefully selecting each word used and have not been afraid to dig deep and express yourself. I wouldn't say this was overly abstract, I do feel maybe you could have gone deeper there. Overall this has beautifully portrayed imagery, for the most part glides effortlessly as I read, tho I did stumble a little on the longer lines. You have every right to be proud twinny, you struggled with this I know, but you didn't give up and you have produced a superb write I look forward to more of your spills in future rounds.

    Score: 95.7


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting layout you have here. I rather enjoyed it. Your punctuation is spot on and for me that is a plus.

    One thing that caught my attention though, is this

    "all i'm left to murmur is,

    "this place is my ecstasy" "

    I believe that i'm should be I'm.

    Also, I agree with Bear, there is a minor spacing issue here,



    "Caress, touch, feel,move with the wind"

    With that said, keep an eye out for these minor mistakes in the future, what could have been a perfect score will be docked points.


    The big downfall here is the line count. As stated it should have been 30 no more and no less. At best, the count is 21. This is something that will no doubt cost you some points.

    My score
    92

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The font is MUCH better


  • HaileeDear
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This made me hungry for tofu, haha i dont know why.

    anyways, as always youve done an amazing job.
    your vocabulary is what really makes me stuck on all your pieces. they're so deep and welly thought through.


    <3


  • Glass- Heart
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That was awsom babe


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Bri

     

    Firest impression.....the font is a killer

     

    Next....you should have 30 lines....no more, no less

     

    Watch for new Borders, (wrap-arounds) from Kevin at AP......this may help you understand why your entry is not showing 30 lines ~

     

    Ok....let's dig in

     

    CAP *visualizations*

     

    *ever-structured*

     

    You have repeated.....*structure, after structured*.....not a fan of repeating, as it takes me backwards, and I want to go forward in thought ~

     

    *and i'm left to murmur*....CAP ( i'm )

     

    *Caress, touch, feel,move with the*.....space after *feel*

     

    Look at how many times you have used the *Filler Words*......of.....as.....and*......try to work arounf those Fillers, as they add no Impact or Power to your words ~

     

    This write is not as abstract I was hoping to see from your quill....however, it is borderline and that shows me you tried, and your effort is well-noted

     

    I simply adore the presentation ~

     

    Your Format is a tad awkward, and tends to lead me down a road of Flow interruptions.....however, after the 2nd & 3rd reads, your Flow was fine.....but be careful in future writes, as this could cost you a point, and we have seen many Poets lose a spot in the tops few because of minor errors....or minor deductions

    * Whisks of perfection sift through my bold stem*.......I enjoyed your ability to continue with your soft Tone, even while using words such as....*collossal*....*bold*......*engulfs*......this is approached in a clever mannar ~

     

    Over-all....I believe you have fulfilled your task.....I would work on the line coditions requied......and let me kow when you have done so, as I shall take another look at it....ok?

     

     

    Greta job Bri.....thank you for getting your work in on time ~

     

    God bless you....awaiting your notice of edit on lines....Bear ~

     

    Your score shall be sent to your Host after next review ~


  • demonic66
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beatuiful


  • hollowgod89
    September 18, 2008
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    Great work!! this is amazing. love you always xx


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazxing work hon as always cxxx


  • Rane
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Read it as i promised i would. Love this as i do all your sensual writes, though not dark enough for me personally hehe.

    Your vocab and ability to build metaphors is dwarfing mine too heh.


  • Tercil gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, what a style to fall in love with, excellent graphics and it's almosyt epic in style as well. I should say well done, it's right up my street. We should collaborate.


  • VoltaicHypnosis gold member
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    how beautifyl... what poetic grace you doth scribe such magnificent words... you're beautiful...


  • Darkwell
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i always learn at least one word when i read your poems and this one i think i learned 3 its hard to read the type on the background and i think i might be blind now but at least the last poem i got to read rocked

    as visualizations of a hidden paradise are kept my as my idol's.

    i think theres too many My's?

    Lambent tongues of passionate paint,
    wash upon my stilted center.

    Worlds of colossal harmony & tranquility,
    rinse through my every pore.

    Yummmmm


1 - 32 of 32