street smart birds
roost on ledges
above tourists
who gawk skyward
at engineered obstacles
and cosmopolitan commuters
who dance in traffic
to strains of sirens and horns
A contest entry
- a contest honoring AJ Morelli by Cat.
1400 points, ended October 4, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Luvit!
The concept of dancing in traffic resonates strongly. And buildings as obstacles seems to round out the skintight metaphor.
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yes
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Jan, this is wonderful...
thank you so much
al
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i love the city here
the sounds and sights.. definitely a vision of al's world
wonderful
m
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ya sparked me girlie
street birds squawk
them tourists gawk
as i-tuned commuters stare
y'know that~
thousand yard stare
into cellphone glare
blasphemous vacant communiques
the pomp of the electric age
squirrelsome life in a cage
and a scribe who just cant
look away
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one of the best comments I've had in a while...
thanks
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Very cool Jan
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This poem makes me want to put in earplugs
like my work does
but I also need my blinders.
I live downtown but thankfully it is a small city
and I'm in a good neighborhood.
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I can just see him looking down on the street, indigenous to the city, at ease and at home, and being humored and maybe a bit annoyed by all the camera-toting fish out of water. love the music of the last stanza. this really captures my imagination.
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I love you
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"gawk skyward" is so fun and good even just to look at. What I also like best is that the poem can have a life of its own outside the contest prompt.
A most lovely gift for sure though. (and perhaps spurned a series, I see).
off to read 2
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you have penned the city brilliantly.
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perfect jan. I love those last two lines, it is a strange dance, isn't it?
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Nice!
You said so much with so little. Wonderful imagery, yet simple, concise, and to the point.
Great piece, made me feel like I was there!
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love the metaphor
ydk
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BRILLIANT!!! thisissoal-ish! wow you people are making it TOUGH for mary...
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thanksesha
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lol
yerwelcome
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