Cornered
within this shell of flesh
I bather my fists behind glaring sockets-
challenging
someone to release me...
A contest entry
- Set phrasers to STUN (This is a Contest.) by blind ecye dog.
850 points, ended October 17, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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First impression: Skewed
G,
I am impressed by the words garnered and subjugated at your behest.
However, by using gimmickry to help exestuate the words you chose, I believe you took away their power.
A universal statement that could include all living things became one that only included those using qwerty.
Mind you, this is very provocative and evocative as is. The speaker is brave to shout, as he/she does, and admit to not being content in the status quo. I just think that your statement has been lessened somewhat. RED
[Impending IM.] -
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Thank you very much as I am always open to such feedback and will consider revising. I think I wanted to use this form since I wrote a poem bashing the style "dirty pretty".... so I only felt it fair if I tried the form and had something written in such style
(can't knock it till you try it motto)
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Ha! Brilliant. And I like how the crazy font shiz doesn't detract. Lovely.
Yink
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I am glad as I was hoping it added emphasis.
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