the baby
screams in a pram -
mother on the phone
Author notes
Zvrhlík
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"Mylee"
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Otaku
A contest entry
- Newbies of Allpoetry by SilverWolf.
385 points, ended September 23, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Baby on the Way!!! by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended October 13, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To all those rejected poems!!! Come and Take Refuge!!! by No longer in use.
600 points, ended October 21, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ABUSE - looking for poems to be published :) by DramaQueen469.
550 points, ended October 25, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - More than 10 but Less then 60 Quickie by SuicidalLover.
550 points, ended November 20, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm alone......are you? by movedon.
700 points, ended November 25, 2008, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is a good one - it says something! Too many Haiku/Senryu (or however you spell it) are meaningless mush. Good job.
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You have a cutie here. My only suggestion would be to make it into a proper haiku, so that it knows what it is. Yes, I know, many people will say that the traditional form has evolved and so on and so forth. Nonsense. A haiku is a haiku, plain and simple. Right now, this is simply minimalist poetry, not a haiku,
And you know, if that's what you wanted, minimalist rather than haiku, then good for you. You've painted a complete picture here with ten words. I certainly can't do that.
Why so many contests for this one poem?
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks. celtic queen
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i don't understand the relentless contest entries for this poem
however, it's a intresting western jack kerouac style haiku
and thefore i liked it.
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You titled this little, but powerful one very right...
The cry of the baby could be heard from outside, only when you see mother on a phone inside the house, you can understand what's scene...
It philosophizes many truths...
Good job there
Love
Kiddy -
hummmmm yet another haiku. This is another good one. I like it. Though to be honest I know I keep saying this but this is not my favorite of the forms. thanks for joining my contest.
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poignant
this is a powerful p[oem says a lot thanks for sharing good luck in the contest littlefishonr
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.
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Wow.
Usually I hate Haikus. Honestly, they just plain annoy me lol.
But this... this is fantastic. Simple, but powerful. Well done and thankyou for entering.
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
Yet another wonderful Haiku of which I'm not familiar in Poetic rules. so...It's still wonderful and carries a hitting message of priority.
I think. I have no idea what I talk about these days. Listen to me not for if you do it shall be your downfall. lol. Nice work done. 
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A really nice haiku
I like the way you connected the title with the Mother - baby relationship
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
The image here generates all sorts of thoughts, from bad parenting to sitcom-like comedy to disaster to a completely inane moment in the life of an ordinary person.
You've used the short form for what, in my opinion, it was meant to do - express the most in the most compact and precise way possible. Well done.
Gren -
pram = wagon = baby-coach = bassinet = buggy = mail-cart
baby-coach is "cot" with four roundlets for taking baby outside, mother push it -
Very short...what's a pram?
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Very Good
Really good haiku. Since you are going to revise this haiku, I suggest that you change the line as it sounds a little bit "off". If that makes sence at all.
Good luck in the other contest. Hope you win! Thanks for entering mine. Welcome to this great site! Hope you enjoy your time here on Allpoetry!
Sincerly,
SilverWolf
"Newbies Of Allpoetry" -
This is an awesome write it hits the very depths of the oyung people today
This takes my mind to places of children being born in a world that is not sure of themselves and finding their not children anymore .God bless the children for they had no say where the young bring a child into the world as they play .
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