Hooray ! Hooray ! The wicked mind is dead !
To hell with you, who haunts me with confusion;
your ever-chatting voice : concealed intrusion.
Because of you, a sinful life I’ve lead !
I sought a map, you took the wheel instead
and drove my soul from fame into seclusion.
Your sermon was : “The world is just illusion …”
You have become the needle, I’m your thread.
Although I’ve never met you face to face,
nor have I seen your crooked corpse decay,
I’ve trusted your impalpable existence.
I look for you, and just find empty space …
Is “mind” a mirage leading me astray;
a veil between the Truth and my resistance ?
Author notes
Option 1 : Miltonian Sonnet
challenge : other meter than iambic pentameter, preferably hendecasyllabic lines
I chose : alternating iambic pentameter and (tailless) iambic hexameter with feminine endings (hendecasyllabic lines)
metric pattern (_ ... unstressed, l ... stressed syllable)
a _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
b _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
b _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
a _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
a _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
b _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
b _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
a _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
c _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
d _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
e _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
c _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
d _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l … 10 syllables
e _ l _ l _ l _ l _ l _ … 11 syllables
Miltonian Sonnet :
14 lines
divided into 2 quatrains and 2 tercets
prevailing iambic pentameter with some lines in alternative meter patterns
volta in line 9
rhyme scheme abba abba cde cde
In a list
A contest entry
- Serious Fun with Sonnets - II by Peripatetic.
1500 points, ended October 14, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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The language is forceful, even harsh in its accusatory tone. I found the complex metrical precision and symmetry of this poem effective for this rhetorically rich polemic against the judgmental tyranny of a supercilious ego over sensory, sensual id.
The author continues a theme she has considered in several poems. She takes the position of a sentient being who would become purely sensual were she able it seems. Understanding her own complexity, she at least would require her psychological energy and entity to accept her sensuality as equal and co-regent in her life.
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Your example inspires me to play with this form; I can't recall trying it before. I like the jaunty and triumphant feeling this has. And several of the concepts are quite arresting like being the thread to the needle and that last line, especially. Your poems are always questioning and insisting on a clearer understanding - and in that way are wonderful celebrations of life.
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Your theory is good, so when someone tells me that I lost my mind I can say I can't lose something that doesn't exist. I like that!
Interesting concept Marion, I never have thought about minds that way.
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this is sooo brillient but i dont ever expect less from your poems
we all have a evil side and a tempest that tries to test us. everytime it wins with me i end up getting grounded so i fight it (._.)
not that im any expert on sonnets but this one flows perfect and i dont stumble on anything its just brillient start to finish and with such a great subject that haunts all of us
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thank you so much for your kind words, elizabeth ...
I'm afraid I can't sign the "evil-side-hypothesis" though ... as allan has so beautifully replied to another poet : "There is no "evil side of you" just an evil thought you must stop believing." how does that sound to you ?
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sounds good to me
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Is “mind” a mirage leading me astray;
a veil between the Truth and my resistance ?
Yes. The prisoner is the jailer. The crime is wanting to posess the self. Only by this method can we forcefully claim this life that does not belong to us.
I love everything about this sonnet. The construction, the flow, the meaning. It is a winner.
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how kind of you, allan ... thank you ...
funny synchronicity, your metaphor of the prisoner being the jailer ...
I just had a dream two nights ago about this subject ...
let's see if I can put it into a poem, that would make it less boring to tell ...
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The wicked mind is dead. That misleading entity we all have to deal with. It must be grand to have finally killed it, driven it out, or whatever. This poem is one that inspires me to work on getting the evil side out of me. I like the way you did it in such a classic manner. You're a true romantic.
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There is no "evil side of you" just an evil thought you must stop believing. The human mind is succeptable to memes.
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well expressed, my iron-friend ...
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thank you, my friend ...
but the mind is as illusionary as its imagined "killer" ...
have fun chasing it ... I guarantee you, you won't find a single particle ...
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Oh Jings... the bunnies failed to materialise... bunnies must be a figment of my inagination... I have no objective proof that bunnies exist. I think therefore I am a bunny.
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I feel tempted to start calling you :
"mairi (merry) mockingbird" ...
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Hypothèse
"I’ve trusted your impalpable existence."
OK, you have reached the "... then there is no mountain" stage.
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who knows ?
maybe I'm just telling stories about inexistant mountains to those who believe they exist - while happily enjoying the view of the mountain, conscious of its essential emptiness ...
stages and categories belong to ego ...
ego itself is a mirage ...
who is the "I" that desires to put consciousness in a box ?
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"who is the "I" that desires to put consciousness in a box ?"
Beats me!
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Aha! The wicked mind melts away
as did the wicked witch, when
confronted by the disciplined
mind who creates such lines
with such full atention to detail,
to rhythm, rhyme and syllables.
Referring, of course, to
the magnicent mind of maa!!!!
Bravo, persistent poet!
M-C
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well, I thought the mind was dead, but I was silly ... actually it never really existed ... in an absolute way, essentially ... it's more like a rainbow that we see but can't grasp, because it always was and never really existed ... does this sound confusing ?
you are too kind to call maa's mind magnificent, mary ...
thank you ...
a naughty little rainbow it is ...
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Never confusing,
thought provoking
and even amusing
in following your
thoughtful path.
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IF OFTEN REMINDS OF A CHILD IN A CANDY STORE, WHO CONSUMES AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF CANDY AND BECOMES ILL,SO NAIVE AND UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE EFFECTS.
WE ARE INDEED CHILDREN, WE DO NOT SEE THE EFFECTS THAT OUR CHOICES CREATE, WE ARE NOT AWARE THAT WE ARE BEING MISGUIDED.
WHEN WE CONTROL OUR THOUGHTS AND NOT LET OUR THOUGHTS CONTROL US. WE CREATE PEACE OF MIND, OUR THOUGHTS BECOME PURE.
YOU HAVE AMAZING GIFT,
YOURS WORDS ARE FULL OF PURE WISDOM
GOD BLESS MY RAINBOW SISTER...
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you have grasped more than I was able to pack into the poem, my sister ... I intended to add a line that says : "upon your unfulfilled desires I'll strive", in order to speak of the child in the candystore that gets ill of too much candy ... a great metaphor, kathy ...
my own experience showed me that the only thing to do with thoughts is to watch them and ignore them ... it's our attachement to them that creates problems ... we can't really "control" them I guess ... imagine, you say to yourself : okay I will not allow myself to think of the word CHOCOLATE CAKE ... wait what happens ...
much love,
marion
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This is so intuitive and brave, two lines in particular stand out to me like the sounding of a clarion call:"I sought a map, you took the wheel instead" and "You have become the needle, I’m your thread." This is inspiring, Bravo.
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thank you so much, my shining star, for your wonderfully kind visit and words ...
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So few will actually admit these things to themselves, and thus are never able to overcome. I am reminded of the verse, "there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it brings destruction." When we follow the decaying one blindly, thinking all is well, is when we often find ourselves hurt and eventually disappointed. The higher road, though more personally challenging, is always the better way. Wonderful words and skill. Thought provoking.
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thank you so much, ten, for your kind words and visit ...
I hope you are well ...
much love,
marion
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That's a lot of work, you are to be applauded for your diligence.
Ah if only the wicked mind really died...or even took a vacation...but maybe I just told more about my mind than anything else.
"Although I’ve never met you face to face,
nor have I seen your crooked corpse decay,
I’ve trusted your impalpable existence."
I like that especially, it speaks of depths of the mind and the nature of our subconscious...and just how deep it might actually be...or not, for maybe innately (or something less in born) we perceive these things about us.
Good indeed.
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I guess it can't really die - because it isn't really born ... in fact, it doesn't exist ... it's just a mirage ... if we try to find the mind, what do we see ? ... ... ...
scary, ha ?
nothing there ...
so be happy, you'll save a lot of money for the vacation trip you were planning to offer your mind ... the whole jackpot is for you !!!
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It's all for me? Cool!
The mind doesn't exist? Yes, that notion is scary. You mean thoughts, memories? Stuff like that? This could be an interesting discussion on what defines existence...but really in the end, only Moxie matters.
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discussions about it would be endless ...
nourishing the non-existant mind ...
making it seem even more real ...
just sit down quietly, close your eyes and look at your thoughts ... where do they come from ? ... check it out ... try to catch the illusionary mouse ... you'll return with empty hands ...
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Enjoyed it
"Hooray ! Hooray ! The wicked mind is dead !"
I like your metaphors, especially the map and driver. Well done again, you make it look easy.
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yes, margaret, it's as easy as dropping a hot potatoe
sometimes we like to get blisters though, like this we have a reason to suffer and feel sorry for ourselves ... what would we be without our stories ?
much love,
marion
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