I can still feel the presence of your corrosive afterthoughts,
Though the longing' I feel is nonexistent' now,
as I stand in the doorway of our memories.
I realize all we shared was withered silence among ruined ashtrays and peeling walls.
'It was all wasted,' I think to myself,
when I remember the longing we shared for summer days.
I knew even then that our souls belonged in the autumn home,
looking over the acrid metaphorical sea.
I knew that the strained look in your eyes was the foreshadowing'\ of the end.
I held your hand as if trying to hide from the numb churning of the waves coming in.
You looked me in the eye and stole the last emblem of my forgotten youth.
I remember you spoke in a voice filled with ash,
and said “This is where we bury our love”
You looked at me with broken passion and muttered
“Now you must treat it as if it were dead.”
I laughed, and looked towards our grave “I think I all ready did..............”
Author notes
http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs36/300W/i/2008/254/4/4/_Esperoquepase__by_Elein.jpg *, "We won't say a word, though we stole them" *, desire, I did the ultimate challenge, 'sell my soul, buy some love'
A contest entry
- Ultimate Challenge; Options Plentiful Otherwise by Kia Tenshi.
1700 points, ended October 15, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is a very good piece and fits all the prompts that you used. Thanks for sharing with us all. UNT
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I can feel this...sometimes we are looking at the grave of a relationship for years before we start filling in the hole. Metaphore is not puncuation, it is comparison through imagery. An apostrophe takes the place of missing letters 'tis a pity for it chopped the piece up a bit.
Words and emotion are strong and good.
Peace
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great write, although it is a little hard to follow with the formatting problem. Other then that it truly is a beautiful write, it was sad and sweet and so much more then i can put to words. The only thing that I would work on is the formatting and possibly center it instead of left justified.
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I knew that the strained' look in your eyes was the foreshadowing' of the end.
I don't understand the apostrophes :| -
It was a metaphor.
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Wonderful use of the vocabulary and of imagery!!! I'm a little confused about the ending, are they already dead? Or was it a metaphor?
But in any case it was really good! -
Am a bit puzzled about the somewhat random apostrophe use to be honest - bt apart from that I did like the use of imagery and the way this provides a narrative. It reads in places rather like prose but that doesn't detract from what you're saying. An interesting write, which I'd like to see you rework the format. Good luck in your contest and thanks for sharing.
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