presently unaware if i can make you feel wut i feel
just know how i feel is nothing less than real
burdened with expectation
dedicated 2 money making
a provider unlike my father
misguided thanks 2 my father
live wire as a result of my surroundings
feel as if i am surrounded
not by friends but foes
battered and bruised limbs
wont slow me up
know time 2 relax and kick my feet up
cause gravity was not meant to hold me up
me against the world
lost my only lady
but still provide my only child
the only pure piece left of me
atleast until i rest in peace
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel! by Walking Oxymoron.
450 points, ended September 30, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
First line, wut should be what.
Secondly, you need to pick a title from the 15 I laid out in the rules...(one of them should fit, like honesty, or blue maybe...)
Other than that, I don't know if the lack of grammar was just in the style, in any case, it does not (in my opinion) detract from this!
It's good work. Kinda sad though, I liked the ending. The way you tried to make me understand your pain, and then the way you say that the only thing you have left is your child.
Yeah, it's good work.
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