Lined up,
Smiling,
Faking being happy,
All dressed up,
Everyone's there,
All except one,
Our family is not complete-
One was lost,
A tragic day,
A unhappy person,
And a razor blade,
She cut to bleed,
Bled until there was no more blood,
There she lied,
Motionless,
Her brown hair matted with blood,
She died,
Killed herself-
You see our family is not complete,
It is unhappy,
Yet we put on fake smiles,
Fake smiles that will fade,
We will not forget her,
My sister,
Our family portrait will NEVER be real,
NEVER!
I will always remember
Our family is not complete.
Author notes
This is not really about my family. I just kinda got the urge to write about suicide, which is something I don't normally do.
xMusicTakeControlx
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel! by Walking Oxymoron.
450 points, ended September 30, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Dark Hearted Emo's by Abstract Image.
900 points, ended January 28, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round contest number one (prewrite) by serenity silvermoon.
510 points, ended September 25, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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good poem good luck
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Originality: (7/10)
Emotion: (6/10)
Poetic devices: (10/20)
Structure/flow: (7/10)
Cohension: (6/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (5/10)
Syntax: (6/10)
Diction: (7/10)
Total:62/100 -
you said you don't write about this much but man was this good. such emotion and imagery...good luck.
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God. You can write.
This hit.
Well done....
And then your author's note at the end? Jeez, it's bad you feel like that, but to personify yourself as another person, that suggests real pain, you displace yourself to deal with it.
Very well written piece. -
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THANKS!!!
Yeah....I really don't know....my mind is always somewhere else and I don't like my home life. Me and my mom don't really get along there are 3 people in my life that know the real me. This is my only escape really. The biggest person in my life right now it my best friend who knows EVERYTHING! She understands and helps me. I just lost a cousin to collage and I don't get to talk to her. She was my best friend and I could tell her anything and everything and she would fix it. But thanks for the comment and thanks for liking it.
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