Through the ashes of the glimmering path,
her odyssey was concluded in silent screams,
sharp twinkles of demise protruded out;
and sliced a wretched being
Ambience lightens the blackened aura,
dwelling deep within a shrivelled spirit,
and transmits a poignant message,
to the angels who were once forgotten
Ruby rivers make their presence,
as cherubs harmonise in view,
they hold the cadaver high,
but the countenance still looks blue
Lost hopes fill hearts,
consequently joining their client in empathy immortally
They perish together,
among the depths of tainted ivory
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
strength and might in this poem....must have wrote with your claws!
WELL DONE...it's a beautiful dark masterpiece!
ears/Seattle
GLUTTON SALUTE!
-
What a play on words here. This very discriptive and well thought out. The story itself is painted clearly and makes a very intresting read. I apologize for my extended absence, just trying to settle back in at home. The deployed enviroment is finally over and I am once again reunited with my one true love. Distance does make the heart grow fonder. I didnt mean to make this comment include personal information, but oh well. Tell me whatcha been up to.
Great poem *SISTER*!
Silvos.
-
-
Welcome back, brother!!
I have been rather well I should say, I graduated from high school and my formal is coming up soon (prom), been out and about looking for a decent job and trying to demolish writer's block. It's nice to know you're back and reunited with your soon-to-be wife, I hope you guys have a great strong journey together all the best.
Thanks for your comment by the way
~Emily~
-
-
Makes me think of if Joan of Arc would have had her story told like Jesus.
Executed by her own after she had done so much for them.
And for similiar accusations no less.
-
Been quite a while I should say. Your writings have evolved and changed as well. [mine has devolved, I think.] ^^,
A lot of good and descriptive thoughts here... perishing together in tainted ivory-that was something.
I also loved the contrast in your 5th line. second stanza. "Ambience lightens the blackened aura,"
bravo overall.
^^Blanche
-
-
Thanks for your thoughtful and analytical comment my wonderful freund (German for friend). I'm hoping to read more of your compositions as well and they are are always great no matter what YOU think
Mwah!
-
-
Now time for the applause you have deserved for quite a while now.
-
-
Aww thanks
-
-
this is sweet loved it
-
-
Thanks
-
-
Good poem! Is there a reason you omitted the periods at the end of all the sentences?
-
-
My poems are usually composed in a strange manner, this one for example was a little unstable with the context. However to answer your question precisely, may you rephrase your question please
Regards,
Emily xx
-
-
It seems as though at every natural pause where a sentence should end and there should be a period, there is no period. The next word, the beginning of the next sentence, is capitalized to indicate the start of the next sentence, but there is no punctuation denoting the end of the sentence before. Is there a reason for that?
I don't know if my phrasing it that way made it clearer or not.
P.S. My name is Emily,too. -
-
I must admit that I have made mistakes several times in my work and I want to thank you for identifying them. Periods - I think it may depend on how a person reads and comprehends the piece to feel the poem's rhythm, unless I have made errors that may need to be corrected, in which you perhaps may help me. Do you think I should eliminate the capatalizations within the poem and make the sentences blend into one whole stanza in each?
Good to meet you Mini-Me LOL
-
-
I think it's fine as it is. I was just confused, because you had all the other proper punctuations, you were just missing periods. I'd say, just put the periods in, and you're good. It's not changing anything, just making it easier to read.
-
-
Well thanks for your suggestions and personal response to the poem, I really appreciate the feedback
Cheers,
Emily xx
-
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
