for example, we just walk
differently from others;
shreds of us barefoot in antarctic rain,
sucking seashells from the debris
of a mind between meals and
words colored like communists
in the sorrow of our toes.
and it goes like this:
that's not just wet paint, it's
the laughter of a skeleton,
someone hiding for
the eighty-ninth time in her life,
a love song.
that's not just sky, it's
the charcoal slime of common sense,
natural selection carving out
the thumbs of gods
in the crook of her eye,
the way empty halls can mutter blasphemies
around a skinny neck
and play back every phrase
he ever spit,
each inflection in how
he tore himself away.
and this is how it goes:
the same old songs on the radio
on and on until you smash
the damn thing and burn it
along with the rest
of your existentialism,
the last few flakes of your miserable
pathetic and vomited lines
in hopes that you get something
more beautiful than this.
you want the fucking moral of the story?
don't fall in love with poets --
they're too busy skinning all
the metaphors for dying
to ever learn
how to love
themselves
Author notes
i don't know why i bother about him,
it just hurts to keep finding out
that i care about some people 1000 times more
than they care about me
at least it reminds me to stop being
so damn arrogant all the time
In a list
A contest entry
- rebirth by the atlantic.
1500 points, ended September 29, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it:
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
brilliant write, the final stanza is especially insightful.
-
damn.
-
The moral is brilliant.
-
"don't fall in love with poets --
they're too busy skinning all
the metaphors for dying
to ever learn
how to love
themselves"
I loved that
This poem expressed a lot of strong emotion, as if you were pouring your heart out
Very good, I think this poem was well penned and I thank you for sharing it with us
-
I think us girls all have your kind of situation from time to time. And if not a similar situation at least.
Me including.
Just to let you know that your not alone.
Just dont feel like you have to put yourself down, never do that. If he doesnt realize what he has than maybe its time to find somebody who appreciates you like you do him.
He's the one losing out
Oh and well done on the poem, another great use of imagery here.
-
Strong imagery and content here. A very well write piece.
-
-
It's BRILLIANT!!
-
-
I noticed you said that once already. Why do you repeat yourself? *looks at his statement* Yep, all that I said was positive.
-
-
LoL I just wanted more oozing positive detail?
-
-
-
-
So I bookmarked this a few days ago and I was like
at how BRILLIANT it was.
Honestly...I didn't know what to say when I first read it (and later reread it
).
But...now I will formulate something cohesive for you to realize about this freaking masterpiece!!!
The title=genius
The poem=even more so, if possible.
All your "beginning lines" are so...narrative and I love that. (e.g. "and this is how it goes:")
"of a mind between meals and
words colored like communists
in the sorrow of our toes."
Every time an AMAZING poet uses the word 'and' or 'or', I get really excited about the juxtapositions...this is no exception...
You are so talented, and I love "between meals"--makes me think of lack/more energy from food, LMAO.
Your simile with the communists...genius.
"it's/the laughter of a skeleton"
LOVE. Skeleton...a metaphor for being a shell of who you used to be? That makes me sad...the laughter would probably be jarring and sarcastic, maybe...hysterically sad, even. You have awesome visuals, unique imagery...and a PERFECT poem here that I can't possibly nitpick or rip apart, which is what I usually do.
"the charcoal slime of common sense,"
I have no common sense. :/
But I can recognize amazing lines, and this is one of them among all of this perfection.
"charcoal slime"<--this is so...thief-friendly I want to steal it.
"the way empty halls can mutter blasphemies
around a skinny neck"
I ADORE how 'blasphemies' was used here..."skinny neck" That was damn clever for use with 'around'.
The radio ditty...I thought that was veering towards unoriginal UNTIL I read "burn it/along with the rest/of your existentialism"--HOW...AWESOME.
Uber to the well-written...I really don't know what to say, except that you are a genius.
Ugh, you have me using that word all the time.
I can't believe you're 15--I'm 15.
I can say honestly that you are only the second person my age I've met who writes such amazingly well-crafted poems...a lot better than many adults', actually.
You make me look like an untalented piece of crap, which is probably good.
Loveith this poem...I put it in a list called "exceptional poems by others", actually.
Jessica
-
Oh wow!!!
This is hands down one of the best writes I have read in a very long time. I mean that. There is so much depth; a piece so powerfully poignant, anyone who cannot appreciate the beauty of this must be from another planet.
Your author's notes made me feel the write even more somehow, because it is something I suppose I know all too well.
The imagery is excellent, and truly thought provoking. I cannot even outline a favorite line, or any part that stood out more than the other.
Amazing write!!!
-
excellent images ... love the theme.
thanks.
-
Excellent
Ah, a fine poignant write, indeed. Vivid imagery. You've expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
wow..... great rant! mm this reminded me of a similar situation from a friend... Yeah we all give too much to gain nothing.
That's how things roll I guess...
you made up a very sarcastic write and yet a perfect rant. Those rants, at leat these types ,you don't find often for you only allow the reader to understand its personal when you read the end...
nicely done~!
-
Whoa. That was absolutely fantastic. Bone chilling emotional from beginning to end. Congrats on being POD.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
-
Well done. You have been nomintated.
Today's Poem Box.
-
-
i didn't see this until now,
but thank you so much.
-
-
atta girl
ah, but there is something to this awareness of care. never damn yourself for feeling as you do, regardless the percentage of reciprocation. you have a wider bredth in this concern, is this a damaging trait? yes. but on the whole, it is a wonderfully rewarding thing. you are a great writer because of this....you are who you are because of this...
i, for one, appreciate the attribute, as you wear it so well.
my best in the contest.
-
-
thank you for all the comments you've left thus far,
and as far as your last comment, i meant to reply that my current projects are none because i don't write as much as i should,
but then i wrote something.
i always appreciate the compliments you leave,
whether they're deserved or not. :]
-
-
holy fuck.
you better get on gmail and talk to me about this. who is he, i'll rip his throat out and feed it to wild dogs for doing this to you.
this was stunning.
-
-
haha thank goodness you don't know him then.
thanks :]
-
-
This is fantastic. I love the last part; it clinched it together so beautifully and painfully.
"you want the fucking moral of the story?
don't fall in love with poets --
they're too busy skinning all
the metaphors for dying
to ever learn
how to love
themselves"
-
um wow
all too often i find myself not able to say anything constructive about stuff. especially when the stuff is poetry that people have written that is really scarily good
so i hope you will forgive me when i tell you that i absolutely love this, and leave it at that
-
fearless...
when it comes to writing this is the one word i feel suits you. I love this poem. Love, Lane
-
omg
-
<3
-
I, uh, feel squirmy admitting it, but I've been stealing your words to amuse myself. By which specifically I mean I have some mp3 files on my computer which belong to you but have my voice on them.
I may steal this one too, because it has that hard, diamond quality that so many of your poems do. -
-
thank you very much, darling,
and the mp3 thing is, i squirmingly admit, a bit strange, but i guess i am not one to talk. :] -
-
haha, no, I mean, I wrote a song and used suna lyrics. it's not great yet though, so you can't hear it. I just thought I'd tell you I was a pickpocket.
-
-
ah! a song! once you edit it, it better be in my inbox pronto.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
