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kiwi









peasant hands
that deem themselves
emancipated

hold me down
& search
the kitchen air
for a blender

claiming
cream soup
is the quality
of my dna,

but from the core
i spill aromatic greens.

with tree logic,
i make room
& clean
photosynthesis.

today, someone
will honestly
watch me,

have an
aha moment,

& we will
write brilliant
haiku -

the onji
of my seeds
on his tongue.









Author notes

Sept. 17, 2008

A little down due to close people not letting me do work when it matters. Defining who I am, what I'm good at, what I suck at.

But guess what -

today is going to be an awesome day and I know I'm better than they let me seem.

In a list

A contest entry

Honesty.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • notorious gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I bookmarked this a shitload of a long time ago,
    and uh...WOW


  • Polaja Greeters member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing poem of affirmation congratulations on the silver trophy! I love the notion of 'tree logic' and even your use of ampersands is growing on me cream soup and greens - you are delightful in your metaphors wonderful! You will get sick of my praise one day and write something horrible - but I will be there to critique it and you will know the truth of my words

    Keep writing

    Polly

  • Judith Chandler
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    some fun and useful things you do that make you what your are.

    I enjoyed the write.


  • Janice M Pickett
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good on you. Keep up that positive attitude. Thank you for entering

  • Rowan gold member
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this.


  • Veronica Leigh
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your style is so interesting and I really love reading your stuff. you always present such a different side to things. I love it

  • notorious gold member
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh my GOD

    You always have that awe effect of me...a bit like an aha moment in a haiku done really well.

    This poem is...perfection.

    I have no constructive critique that's actually valid...except that I'm neutral about the 'that' you use in S1, and being neutral about something doesn't really warrant a critique. In fact, the more I reread this, that 'that' will probably grow on me for its narrative effect.

    Damn, this entire thing is so perfect I don't know what to say. How about...

    Genius.
    Bookmarking.
    Suffice to say, every line, every word I read...

    made me wish I'd written it.
    Really.

    Fe

  • Suzanne Dia
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If I could write so wonderfully what i like about me, I would be a very happy girl.

    this is beautiful and whimsical, too.


  • iverbthenoun
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    haha the aha moment sounds like mandark taking on dexter!

    this is really cool.

1 - 9 of 9