Ebony night sky our Imax Theatre,
we lay atop that water tower,
shoulder to shoulder,
absorbing body heat
like whiskey
and watching
our breath
disappear
into the
crisp
night
air.
Gazing at the endless constellations,
you helped me trace Orion's Belt,
as you'd often done in the past.
But I never once took
you and I for granted.
For I'd learned.
Every moment
shared with
you is like
vapor.
Tonight I lined the bar with glasses
filled with shots of who we were,
And I threw back bitter
memories of the way
Orion seemed to
speak your
name.
Now I'm alone atop this water tower,
years past you, and at least a half
dozen rounds past sobriety.
I guess I thought somehow
you would still be here.
I guess I thought
maybe we could
share one more
whiskey
moment.
Author notes
I love Hanson
And I chose "D."
A contest entry
- Just Let Go And We'll Make Love by Emm Jayy.
385 points, ended September 30, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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thats the sweetes thing i've ever read.
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This is such beautiful sorrow... And yet it warms me. I love it! Great poem and good luck!
PS- I'm glad to hear there are others on this site with good music tastes...
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I love the falling layout. It works immensely well with the breathy imagery. Intitially I thought it ended with the first stanza, which would still be great standing alone. Powerful, yet calm and dignified, the complete and beautiful opposite of the violent images I tend to come up with. Wow. I love this.
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i loved it very much i can feel like im there w/ u lots of love
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Man...i like this.
I too used to go drinking on a water tower.
....Every moment shared with you is like vapor....
How that line speaks to me lass,
the ones we treasure are often like smoke,
ascending into the night,
it rises,
never to touch down again.
The style is amazing and would imagine very hard...
the words trickle down as if hope is waning that you will ever unite.
....But I never once took you and I for granted....
How warm it is to realize at the very second,
when your together,
you know this is not anything that should be pushed to the side....
the importance of your connection is something that you value here and now...
not in some far off setting when this soul has long been gone.
The title invokes warmth,
star filled nights of spirits and magic.
..I guess I thought somehow
..you would still be here.
"I guess I thought
you'd always be around,
always keepin thing real
by playin the clown,
now your nowhere to be found"
How we lose track,
get derailed from those who really made us happy.
This life eats us up...
we loss track....
our happiness is a secondary dream...
the old ghosts that haunt us...
what might have been
is always the saddest thought when it comes to love and friendship.
So set em lass,
and hoist one to sweet memories,
and tell all your dreams
to meet ya in that whiskey moment,
and drink to what was.
So sweet lass.
Cheers!
Liam
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Great job, and very neat form that resembles the whiskey glass. Maybe I'm wrong, but that is what it looks like to me.
I really like this, and I wish you the best in the contest. Blessing, Patty
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Wonderful, and I love the presentation as well!
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hmm i like i like!! the format, the words (especially 'Every moment shared with you is like vapour'), and the way the words form drops. i also love the way you've written the last verse and left a gap btwn the last line and the rest of the verse....i cant explain it but it feels so powerful that way!! i would never have thought of it!! awesome!!
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Wow...I like the way the poem looks like whiskey pouring down your throat. I also like the way it didn't rhyme...seemed more powerful that way. A fine addition to your writing. Good luck in the contest!
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Beautiful !!! LOved it ...
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Very touching!!! the "funnel" effect is really clever on your stanzas and work well to focus on what you want to emphasize. Great poem
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I also wanted to create the effect of puffs of breath on the night air. Thanks for the comment
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Another image-filled write..I loved it. Lines 23-29 are amazing. It demanded interest from title to final word.
Do you ever tire of being talented? G'luck in the contest
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