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Awaiting Spring

The crisp leaves rustle
Slowly falling to the ground
Mimicing my heart

The wind blows softly
My heart pounds as it plumits
Crimson leaves fly too

The heart's tears crumple
The leaves fall back into place
Cold snow covers them

My heart is frozen
Frozen with the fallen leaves
Unwaking till spring

They return again
But my heart will not follow
Till spring is my love

A contest entry

hope u enjoy it.

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Comments


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 16, 2008

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    Hello

     

    Thank you so much for entering and for your efforts with this KU' Chain....however, there is something I would like to point out.....maybe you can see what I see

     

    Try not to use Filler Words in Short Forms....especially a Ku'...or Lanturne....or Cinquain.....etc..... ~

     

    Watch how many times you use the words, *the*........to me, this ruins your poetci voice and leaves me readin.....Prose"

     

    I hope this makes sense.....God bless you!

     

    1st, & 2nd Ku is common in thought.....think outside of the box ~

     

    *Unawake......should be.....unawakening*

     

    Never repeat words.....*frozen twice.....hearts....4 X's

     

    I want to go forward in thought...not backwards

     

    Bear ~


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    September 16, 2008

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    This interesting series appears to be a haiku/senryu mix with Fall/Love life theme. Nice!

    Dennis