Black Widow

The best part about us is that this is brand new.
You don't know me and I sure as hell don't know you.
When you talk about all the lives we've spent together, I want to laugh
Because I know in reality, we have no past.

You can tell me any lie you want
And I have to take it without proof
Because I wasn't there to gather the truth.
And I relish in the relaxed oblivion and farce of early love;
That brief amount of time after the awkwardness wears off,
But right before the hate begins to saturate,
When you still think I'm some great gift from heaven above.

I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not using you
Because you have nothing worth taking for my own gain.
I'm just enjoying the blissful moments when you kiss me
In the steely rain.
And when I look into your eyes,
I forget that I ever knew the meaning of "pain".

Despite my advances, you were never the type to tango.
But I'm the type to put on an extravagant show.
I made a fatal mistake
When I allowed you to sink your teeth into me
And thus making all my icy walls break.

I wanted to protect the innocent sheep like you
From the vicious wolves like me.
I tried to warn you that I'm worse than you want to see.
I'd steal your holy soul
Just as soon as breathe.
You're a ship sinking at night in my oceanic storm
And I really do want to save you
And put you on dry ground
But you're screaming so wretchedly
And it might seem evil,
But I really am amused by the sound.

My insanity might kill you someday
And I know that you're the drug
I need to keep the demons away.
But "I'm sorry" never fell off my tongue quite as easily as
"Fuck off" does.
And when I get to this point, all your charming promises
Are just an annoying buzz.

Don't ask me to tell you that I love you
Because compassion, loyalty, tolerance,
And love are all virtues that only you possess,
Not me.
You see,
This go-around was just my selfish test
To see if living normally
Was possible and for the best.
And while I enjoyed spending my precious time
With a man so naïve, he knows nothing of reason or rhyme,
I still feel as though I am committing an unforgivable crime.

And this worn-out tryst no longer works for me
Because I've already made you cry
Which means you have stored my essence in your heart
And you won't forget me once we're apart.
And that only means that we will have a past.
And now I cannot coldly laugh
Because it's now true that we've had a life together, even once we're through.

I wish I could be sorry for throwing you out into the bitterness of life
But I have to turn my back on you now
Because looking at you so confused and hurt makes me want to die.
And I refuse to accept that you might have crawled under my skin
And worn my cruelty thin
And forced me to love a man
When I know there's someone else
Who better can.