The funeral creeps onward,
Like a musky smell from a nearby factory air.
My tear stained shirt.
My tear stained heart.
My tear stained life.
My mother joins God above.
She was everything to me.
A spectacle I was sure to make.
I stand up in the service.
Tears stream down my face.
“MOM” I call
She was too young.
I run to the coffin.
Grabbing her I try to pull her out of the coffin
“you are not really dead.”
I scream
I yell
she remains motion less.
God damn you.
I am subdued.
I am prevented.
I am scared.
I am weak.
I am hopeless.
All my life… my mom was my savior.
She picked me up from kindergarten.
She loved me just because.
She was a saint.
She was.
She was my love.
I was her love.
Not fair.
Gone.
I remember her making me cookies.
I remember her taking me to the zoo.
I remember her singing me songs as a child.
I remember her excitement on Christmas.
Years pass.
I sit in a trashed room.
I lie down my cigarette.
Heroin is injected to my vain.
A substitute for her dead.
I cannot get over it
A wonderful woman in the ground.
We all have ways of dealing with pain.
The Heroin hits me.
My new savior.
I pick up the gun on the floor
the circle of life.
A contest entry
- Sorry Brother by Falcon SilverWolf.
300 points, ended September 23, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"Like a musky smell from a nearby factory air."
For some reason, that line made me stumble, and did not allow me to go any further.
I guess "a nearby factory air" is the problem for me.
"from the nearby factory"
Maybe that is all that is needed because I do sense the aroma you are speaking of without the use of the word; "air".
I agree, these words are sad and very haunting (especially the end lines). I don't know that your mother would want you using drugs or "the gun". Personally, I think she'd want you to live as she did, give birth to, and raise a beautiful, intelligent, and talented daughter.
The best to you in life and the ability to live as your Mom did.
april nicole
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heart rending
My heart weeps for your loss. such pain in the words you use to paint your pain for all to see. to lose such a love can be devastating and even soul killing. I understand this feeling. I lost my mother for a time she was ripped from my life and me being a child at the time did not understand that it was not my fault. Yet my heart and soul wept for her and for my self. I was given my mother back to me, i was lucky and I sorrow that you were not as lucky as I. Great write.
Darkest Thoughts Always
D.C.
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oh. .
wow, poet. this is so packed with grief, it feels real. . .I don't know what else to say. it just grips me. . -
WOW
That is one hell of a poem, this had tears in my eyes almost from the start. It was so easy to insert myself and the things i would do if i lost my mother. There is simply nothing that could be done to improve this poem,i feel. -
This is a very sad, touching poem. Nicely written though. I like it a lot.
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wow that was intence, good description of sorrow
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oh this was so sad. it brought me to tears. i always find these types of poems so touching and heart wrenching.
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Well this is a very interesting poem It flows very well and I understand all about grief and loss. However, to be honest I do not see how this poem, as good as it is fits into this picture at all. This poem also hints at suicide and that definitely does not fit in with the picture. Thanks for sharing this poem and all but I don't think it will do well in this contest.
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My heart goes out to you on many levels. I thank you for your willingness to reach out and to be vulnerable with your words and your story. It is heart wrenching and I have lived through a lot with one of my children. She is still here and each day is a complete and total blessing in light of how fragile life can be and how quickly it can be taken away. In every moment I wish for you a new discovery - no matter how small or how big - that helps you on your journey and makes you want to stay here and stay clean. I feel your pain deeply and wish you the very best. Many blessings and you are in my prayers.
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Wow! This is so sad, but is very well written. You did a great job providing very vivid and real imagery here. I truly hope this is not written from a real life personal experience for you. Nice job and blessings, Patty
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aww that is soo sad
great great imergry here! lovee it!
soo sad tho
love the last two lines -
What a great image of a funeral. I liked the way it was written. It seems to be laid out much like a natural thought process...thinking with the mind and not the hand. Great job, I really enjoyed it
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Oh dear..how sad..what a hopeless tone it ended on as well..I myself am a fan of hopeful endings...but life isn't always that way, now is it?
i hope that you did not draw from real life experience here..if so, I am terrible sorry for your loss. If not..well, what a styartlingly sorrowful write...it is a tragic reality that many turn to drugs as their savior when they feel that life leaves them with no where else to turn.
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