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Sunshine and Darkness

Happiness. Pure bliss. Overwhelming joy.
It has always been there,
Looming just beyond my reach,
Grinning at me; playing cat and mouse
Glowing, golden, warm, peaceful,
Occasionally casting one of its luminious rays
Into the dark corner where my heart dwells,
Staying just long enough to tempt me;
To taste its sweet lips, then it is gone,
I will never forget that one day,
Truly, a long while back,
When I gathered enough strength
To dig my broken, cracked knees into the sand,
And poke my head out beyond the shadows,
I could feel the warmth on my frozen face,
I outstretched my thin, trembling arm
Just far enough to grasp that thing which I craved the most,
I felt its electricity crawl down my arm,
Reviving me as it went,
Up my shoulders,
Then,
As it has a tendacy to do,
My happiness escaped to just beyond my reach,
My body fell limp again,
Drowning in my own tears,
I retreated back to that dark corner
That I had grown to become so friendly with
"I missed you" It said, with a toothless grin,
As it entraped me within its freezing, dark walls.

Author notes

Well, this pretty much speaks for itself. A little over dramatic if you ask me. That is not how I normally feel, I was just having an off night. --Casey
Tragic...but so sincere [[for contest]]

A contest entry

Any comments or things I could to do improve this are greatly appreciated :)

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Fallen-Thumper
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    really well written and i love what you showed. i really enoyed this piece. A great write!
    good luck and thanks for entering


  • Night Terrors
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    loved this poem you have done an amazing job showing the world you. I loved this and didn't find it overdramatic at all. After all this is poetry what would it be with out drama Excellent work of art love what you have done with this.


  • BleedingBlackTears
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done i doubt its over dramatic its what life is always like for me well done


  • leander Moderators member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a good poem that you have written here, but I'd love to make some little suggestions here and there.

    first of all, you need to get rid of some punctuation. One can have too much punctuation at times and this poem overwhelmed me a bit with it. You can always play a bit with the format to get some of it away as well.

    Also, I've found a few oopsies here and there:

    Line 22: tendacy -> tendancy
    Line 29: entraped -> entrapped

    Thank you for entering the contest!
    Leande


  • nite stalker
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this piece, is so awsome, the way your words play with both light and dark, amazin


  • spot49
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As it has a tendacy to do,
    My happiness escaped to just beyond my reach,
    My body fell limp again,
    Drowning in my own tears,
    I retreated back to that dark corner
    That I had grown to become so friendly with

    sounds like me at times in my life. great write! thanks for entering the contest and good luck


  • kkatie55
    October 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Dark

    nice write ...to suttle turn dark in toothlessness and fear...Katie


  • Anguas-Confusion gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A great write, perhaps in need of a new title tho? doesn't quite describe what you're ending captures, well done though and best of luck... check out my entry?? x


  • Topaze gold member
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very well written piece, I would suggest not to capital every line as it stops the flow. Use it when you actually start a new verse, this will bring you better results in the future. Thank you for this fine entry in this contest, my best wishes always.


  • catalyst.
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What I loved about this, is you never lost me. I knew what was going on the entire time. But it wasn't straightforward either it wsa cryptic full of imagery and metaphors. It was a great balance and a great write


  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As it has a tendacy to do,
    My happiness escaped to just beyond my reach,
    My body fell limp again,
    Drowning in my own tears,
    I retreated back to that dark corner
    That I had grown to become so friendly with

    sounds like me at times in my life. great write! thanks for entering the contest and good luck


  • Velvet Rose Petals
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was intense. made my eyes water up a bit. i guess its one of those poems that either you relate to or dont. good job though
    Rose


  • logorrhoea
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ..agreed..intense and flowing.


  • Hidden
    September 18, 2008
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    awsome, great imagery and feelings here. its really a proffesional poem if you ask me, very cool.


  • ViolentSerenity
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this well done and i wish you the best of luck in the contest the metaphor is wonderful and you do an astounding job at protraying it thanks for the read and inspireation

  • Cena-of-Destiny
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! Nice job, good luck in my contest! The poem really speaks to me, you really captured the point of my contest. Thank you for entering! I like the fact that i was fooled into thinking this poem was all about how happy you were, sorta. It was excellent.
    <3

    -Cena


  • Lexie
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i don't think this was over dramatic at all, but instead, just plain out amazing. your words and the way you described everything made it so vivid, even though it is like a figure of speech. i can actualy see a thin arm reaching out trying to grasp something. i can see the toothless grin. great job. i loved it!


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. Very sharp and clear. And if you were having an off night, it does not matter, it is a good expression of how you were feeling at the time.

    • hotpinkpenguin
      September 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much, and thank your for taking the time to comment on so many of my poems, I really appreciate it

1 - 21 of 21