now:
if your lips met mine
they will not pull
away,
they would move
(unsurely) of their destination;
find a daisy
windy
draping lazily on air -
petals patting pockets
squirreled sounds say
pause...
timid fingers knitted
during wait for potential
sunshine flavor;
stand close as our noses can't
decide where to go, and you
kiss me.
~~~
Author notes
critical critiques please. :]
A contest entry
- ONE KISS LED TO SOMETHING WONDERFUL by Swan song.
450 points, ended September 20, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
this is so cute but not silly little girl cute. it's young poetess falling in love cute
-
oh my heart string have been tugged! thnak you so much!!!!
-
sigh ...
-
Ah, I must concur with others comments, very sweet.
-
This has the feel of the newly discovered and remembered first kiss: hesitant, lightly sensual, exciting, delightful, awkward. Sweetly expressed.
-
I love modern work
Good luck in the contest!
-
I love the title of this so much, and the way the kiss is unsure, needing a compass, a beautiful & sweet poem of a kiss - lovely
-
-
thank you
-
-
Love it hun! My only suggestion to give it impact at the end maybe to move that line away from the last stanza..
write it...'and then...
'you kissed me'
Great job. C
-
-
Thank you
-
-
THis should be a contest winner, I really enjoyed the read, blessings dad
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
