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Past Pure

 

 

Silence becomes her

 

Far from raised voices

venting intolerance

 

Innocence draped

in sullied scarlet

 

Her backbone bent

with jutted corruption

 

each notch

an engraved sin

 

Yet...

 

Silence becomes her

 

She can embrace

feminine fragility

 

lower guards

that imitate

thicker skin

 

Sit pretty

without purpose

 

allure not affected

for clientele

 

Strip bare

the weight

of pounded flesh

 

and pretend purity

for just a

moment more

 

 

 

Author notes


Artwork by PINO - "Purity"

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • Ylova silver member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Wow! Wow! Beautiful! Very creative. You did a wonderful job as always. You always amazme Well done Jackie


  • Valley Girl Greeters member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! A creative twist to the prompt! You have added great imagery to this! Fantastic work hun! Thanks for sharing. ♥


  • penman gold member
    October 4
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very creative and well expressed. So very well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • notorious
    October 4
    Edit | Reply
    Those are some kick-ass pics.

  • Allan Emery silver member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    What say we skip the poem and tackle her off that chair! OK. Sorry. This is really as good as Amera says it is.

    More bunnies.


  • JabberWokk
    September 24
    Edit | Reply
    *mental head smack*

    Totally forgot to applaud!


  • JabberWokk
    September 24

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    Ahhh! I ABSOLUTELY loved this poem. It's so powerful, and enchanting. It defintely stirred somthing inside me. Lovely poem

  • Amera gold member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is lovely! You took the picture and added another dimension to it. As I was reading this, your original lines described the exact feelings I have had myself. Each act you mention like;
    "Sit pretty
    without purpose"
    brings thoughts of understanding and thoughts that are contradictory; perhaps there is always a purpose. Some publisher will be after you soon and I'll be of the first to buy your book.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    this was really beautiful Sis, you really know how to take a picture and bring life into it.. I wish we could see the rest of her face.. that.. would finish this off nicely.. *hugs* best of luck sis..

    Angel

  • My Milieu
    September 18
    Edit | Reply
    This was an extremely beautiful poem, I'm no good at giving compliments, but I liked it.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is genius and I can't think of anything to say, which hasn't already been said. Your word choice is out of this world. I enjoyed this immensly. Best to you in the contest


  • Ravensdark
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Well what can i say.....it drips with a haunted feeling of submersed pain and long. Brilliantly written jacks your in great form.


  • thejollytinker gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    You have a good eye, you tore everything from that photo and added a fitting personality. Is it just me or does everyone want to see the rest of her face? Has an Audrey Hepburn feel to it, don't know why.


  • midnite wolf silver member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i love this, it is so wonderfully written, i really dunno what to say, it really captivates, it held me so breathless. i must say it again. wow.


  • faderman1959
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Forget work in progress! This is perfect just the way it is in my humble opinion! An amaziang piece of writing!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    And you didn't tell me you'd penned because....! WOW this really is a superb write, the metaphors are stunning! The line 'Silence becomes her' reminds me of an old film called 'death becomes her'. Excellent piece hun, has a golden air to it Good luck


  • perfectsunset
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow; this was just stunning.
    Captivating, brilliant, metaphorical,
    touching, deeply empowering.. and the
    list can go on.

    This was just breath-taking
    and so cleverly crafted
    original thoughts.

    Loved it.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering

  • wordsmith gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    I especially like your choice of words to illustrate your concepts. This poem is enchanting and offers its own allure. It reads like the process of a painting.


  • poppa silver member
    September 16

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    Wow brilliant write.. to me speaks of self belief and accepting oneself, could be completely wrong though

    good luck in the contest


  • liduen silver member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Silence becomes her...

    Such a beautiful piece, crafted so perfectly...

    Great job and good luck in the contest!

  • ladybug27
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    damn girl. you never fail do you? I love it!!!

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    "each notch
    an engraved sin"

    I love that - well done

  • chiefmac
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Well done. The reader is drawn into this lovely prompt with nonconformity of the subject. To accept her femineity without pretense she is something other than who she is whatout hiding from her emotion. Great read.

  • krizaa
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    amazing write


  • Margaret Denham
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    You've wrapped your words in sadness and beauty honey, they leave a great deal to think about long after reading.

    My best wishes to you in the contest

    Love Margaret


  • notorious
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    You're being prolific again--w00t!!!
    Yeah, the first three words/line, "Silence becomes her" creates an ambiguous image for the reader...which obviously, is tres bien. And I think it suits the pic, too--she looks pensive about something unseen, and what you've done with your imagination for this piece is

    fucking nifty.


    "venting intolerance" makes me wonder where it's coming from--coolio.

    I like "engraved sin" [one of my favorite parts ] because that's not something you can just wash away in the shower, LMAO.

    "lowering guards
    that imitate
    thicker skin"
    Could that ditty be rephrased to something similar to:

    "lowered guards
    imitate
    thicker skin"
    It seems snappier to me.

    "without purpose" is another good one!! What a way to capture how useless she feels.

    "allure not affected
    for clientele"

    You are talking about a paid harlot!!!
    LMAO.
    Nice way to put it--I don't think anyone could've done better.

    "and pretend purity"
    You know I actually hate possessive forms sometimes, but I think this would flow better if it was something similar to:

    "purity's pretense
    [for] just a moment more"
    I think you should at least use a 'just' to make it more...I dunno, emotionally heart-wrenching (though it already is!!)

    Feel free to toss my suggestions and e-slap me. LMAO.

    I think you will definitely place, and like C. said, you didn't need the pic to write this.



    Jessica


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 16

      Edit | Reply
      Thankies

      I like some of your suggestions Not sure if the lowered guard is keeping with the 'tense' .. but I am definitely adding in "for just" at the end!!!

      Thanks for the suggestions.. will ponder on them some more for this "work in progress"


      • notorious
        September 16
        Edit | Reply
        I didn't even think about tenses!! LMAO. You can use an -ed word like 'lowered' because 'imitate' is in the present tense, and it makes it clear to the reader still that it's well, still in the present tense. (If I am not making sense, feel free to bake cookies, pretend to give me one, and eat it yourself with maniacal laughter to accompany that...)

        Work in progress...psssh, it's good already

        • kiwigirljacks gold member
          September 16
          Edit | Reply
          I changed it to what I originally had.. just "lower" .. I know you hate those gerunds!! I tried to keep them to a minimum here!


          • notorious
            September 16
            Edit | Reply
            "lower guards" -NICE, why the hell didn't I think of that? It's so good this way.
            I don't mind gerunds if there are like...less than 4. Preferably 2 or less, for me LoL.
            I think it works in prose-esque poetry though, for the most part.

            I do hate gerunds. It's a recent development, LMAO.

  • Cannonsfire gold member
    September 15
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    Didn't even need the pic SIL, it was perfectly described. C


  • The Unknown Poet1
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    you have taken the sensual fraility of the picture and maade it sing nice jackie the "pound" of flesh looks expensive very nicely interpreted and written


  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful. I mean, you really brought life and beauty to this prompt. If this isn't Gold I don't know what is!

  • SoulWhispher
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on the picture, you did a fantastic job with this one, your poetry always moves all who aare lucky enough to read it, Love John

1 - 42 of 42