I ask for words and inspiration
I wish for thoughts to overflow,
But somehow life won’t grant me pleasures
And the things I need to revive my soul.
I’ve read the stories of thirst and drought
And how men fall prey to death’s doorknocker
But on the verge of their last breaths
The rain crashes down to whisk ‘em away.
Myths and legends, lore and poetry
Swirl up scenes in the eyes of my mind
Convincing and willing with sepia illusions
That everything is real but I still can’t believe.
I’m not a witty heroine in bestseller novels
And I don’t save the world as the hourglass drains
I’m not painting smiles on atom bombs
But I might as well document reality.
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is there anything specific to improve on?
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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i loved it
honest and true and well writen -
i love how you kept it true - it's not like some happy-ending story, its the truth about reality. great job :]
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I love the last couple of lines the best. The whole thing is just great. It sort of sounds like a voice-over at the beginning and/or end of an a movie.
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Thank you, Captain! Your perspective with the "voice-over" thing is interesting. I've never thought about that!
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Starting with "I'm not a witty heroine", I could just see some sort of young woman action heroine looking on the roof of a skyscraper, looking over the city she just saved, with the voice over playing.
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Oh! Sounds to me like a modern day ninja/pirate! Aha!
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That could work too.
Man, now I want to see a decent action heroine movie. But that's an impossible wish!
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A good piece, not usually what I am drawn to but I have to say that this is well written.
You have a good amount of imagery and the emotion is consistent throughout -
Wow, this is wonderful!
So intense and full of meaning - and personal reflection too. Very interesting and thought-provoking. I especially liked the line at the end: "But I might as well document reality." So true, and so powerful..
This should honestly be published! You seem to be a very accomplished poet indeed
have a lovely day.
peace and love x
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Love the imagery of this piece!
Great flow ,Nice work!
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Hey, yes, chock full of fine, sharp poetical images...a most intriguing piece of poetry! fine... fine write! bravo....
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What we are today has no bearing on what we are tomorrow. Just keep walking the path, something good will come along.
Very interesting read, every line is very well thought out.
. Rewarded 4
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This poem has a great flow, and really wonderful imagery. I read through it several times to better absorb what the words said, and it only improved with repetition! I love poems that do that. The last lines really caught me and tickled me pink; they are really well done, and the last line is so true. Plus, I got introduced to some great music! Win-win-win-win!
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You might as well keep striving. Heroes and heroines are after all every day people sometimes through circumstance, but most often who reached beyond their boundries and tried to define what they thought was important.
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Good job on this poem. You should document reality. Cool write and good luck in my contest!
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well done
Flows well. Good rhythm. As another reviewer pointed out, you have a way with words. Good and interesting imagery. Only suggestion I can make is for flow and emphasis, set off "reality" somehow. Maybe like: ". . . reality".
. Rewarded 4
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Delusions of...
I don't know how to spell grandeur. Great read! It's sad sometimes, just sad. The grass is greener, the cup half full, life is good, don't worry - be happy...coffee grounds. It's not all bad though eh? Great read!
. Rewarded 4
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Superb
A most excellent write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
I don't know the song but reading your words, took my breath away. Some people have a way with words & looks like you're one of them. This is so true & genuine with a hint of sadness. Well Done!!
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hey, i gotta agree with thegreatestlove. I don't quite see the connection between the song and this poem! but this poem was written beautifully. the flow was great, and imagery was good. just one suggestion tho, maybe you could split up this poem into stanzas. other than that, this was a pleasure to read!
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Heya, nice work again, as per usual. The last four lines are awesome
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nice song you've chosen
i didn't really catch how this poem was linked to the song.
but the poem itself was great. loved all the metaphors you used here and i especially thought that the title was pretty cool.
good job
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go you! mmm i luv the title also some of the lines are really diffrent like the atomic bomb
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I've always wanted to do something like paint smiles on atom bombs
We may not be the great people we read or hear about but we are our own great person in our own great life and thats all that matters. You wrote this very beautifully full of great imagery and passion.
Keep it up!!
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