Aluminum alligators ate Andy
But, Betty beat both badly.
Clyde called Chicago cops;
Dave didn't do diddly
Eleanor eviscerated eleven,
Fought fiercely five,
Gleefully gunned greatly.
Howard held heaven
Illuminated illiterately
Jill's jocking jaw jilted.
Kevin killed Kenny,
Laughing long lividly.
Metal monsters munched many;
Nancy nodded nicely.
One offensive ordinance
Pounded plated plenty.
Quincy quivered,
Rusty ranted,
Sidney sadly smiles...
Terry tore twenty
Using underwear uten-siles.
Vincent vied valiantly
While Wendle whittled weapons,
Xerxes x'ed xenomorphs
Yelling 'Yellow Yankees!!!'
Zillions Zed zapped,
Throwing thirty thunderous thoughts.
Shilly's shotgun showered,
Charlie's cheerful chainsaw chopped.
In the end, one final remainder.
Bloodily, it crawled slyly away
To hide an egg in the sewer... NO IT'S A THERMAL DETONATOR!!!
____
____ , -- - --- -.
((( (( /// // ' \\-\ \ )) ))
/// /// (( _ _ -- \\-- \\\ \)
((( == (( -- (( )) )- ) __ )) )))
(( (( -= (( --- ( _ ) --- )) ))
(( __ (( ()((( \\ / /// )) __ )))
\\_ (( __ | | __ ) _ ))
,| | |
`-._____,-'
`--.___,--'
| |
| ||
( | || | )
( (| | |) )
( ( ((( (((( | __| | )))) ))) ) ))
...
2008 September 15
A contest entry
- Alphabetical Alliteration by Ja Vorbesc.
450 points, ended September 29, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
That was fun! Thanks!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Wow, great job with a ridiculously tough prompt (I gave it a shot as well, and it is fun, but definitely challenging.) Don't see much need for grammar on a nonsense write like this, but that's my personal feel.
-
I also disagree
You don't have to have punctuation in poetry.
I think this is really good. I thoroughly enjoyed.
-
I disagree...
You did not have to change anything. The piece worked just as it was. The "Lack" of punctuation gave impetus to the emotion in the poem, not confusion. I try to take "Proper English" crits with a grain of salt. Also, crits that name errors in spelling without saying anything about the content. This one had great content that the reviewer did not seem to notice. Shame on you, Ja.
-
Wahoo!
Now you r writing.
-
Nice. I like this. Points for you. Good words. And it even made some sense. Good on you!
Punctuation would be good. Remember, sentence structure! Goods sentences, nonexistent punctuation. -
-
Comma added.
Don't know where else to add punctuation except before 'Throwing thirty thunderous thoughts'. -
-
what I mean is that although you have sentences, they are all run together.
Aluminum alligators ate Andy
But Betty beat both badly
Clyde called Chicago cops
Dave didn't do diddly
For instance, the first two lines are a sentence, but completely disconnected with the next two lines. This is what I mean:
Aluminum alligators ate Andy,
But Betty beat both badly.
Clyde called Chicago cops;
Dave didn't do diddly. -
-
.e.e. cummings must br crud in your eyes
-
Got it. How about now?
-
-
Much better.
-
-
my what would tou do with e.e. cummings
-
-
If e.e. cummings had entered my contest, I would comment on it. Otherwise, though, e.e.cummings has all my respect and appreciation!
-
-
If I had posted that comment it would have counted.
Terribly sorry about that, I forgot some people will use an account that's still logged in. -
-
I must say that I'm a little confused.
-
-
The E.E. Cummings comment wasn't actually by me, but someone here who had used my logged-in account.
-
-
Oh. I honestly hadn't noticed that they were under your name.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
