I'm not a perfect child but somewhere in time
I know that you'll forgive my selfless crime.
In my dreams i can still see you,
walking with your fingers laced together.
On the long, grey and pink cobblestone pathway,
that led to our shabby, hollow house from the gleaming blue sea,
I call out in the misty light of dawn:
"Can you hear me Mama...Papa? I'm not coming home."
Thy vision, thy freedom, thy everlasting words.
I'm just a boy, but i know too much.
My dreams rage like a bitter storm
and my wings are bound with frilly white lace.
I'm just a boy, so I'd better not talk.
Though there's no beginning or end, my heart will fallow you forever.
If in the mourning sound of twilight,
i still remain, then i know you called my name,
so i know that my memory is what keeps you sane.
I forget how to walk, you leave me behind.
Memories turn cold, like glossy, iridescent ice.
All around you, all you saw where sugar plum faeries,
dancing around in slow, moving circles until I went away.
I remember your cold, stoic faces as i lay frozen,
in a bank of powdery snow
and my chapped lips began to bleed.
I'm just a boy, but I know too much.
Sleepless nights revel black and purple shadows on the wall.
In the silence of the darkening blue dusk,
after you lock my bedroom door so you can attend to your guests,
the beautiful raven haired faerie come to me, to sing her watery blue song.
I'm just a boy, so I'd better not talk.
There's no light in your cold, topaz eyes.
Wake up and see your blessed boy that I can never be.
If you could open up your dirty, shallow hearts to see
how much these dreams mean to me
then maybe I could find my way home.
That I haven't even left because you know that I'm still here.
Yet I know somewhere spmplace across this turquoise grey sea
that some place new and better waits for me.
Where horned and goat footed fawns play among jagged black rocks
below the golde, Samhain moon and autumn's decay.
I'm just a boy and I wanted too mcuh
the uwrapped toy in the corner of my vacated, hazy blue room
has so far gone untouched, as it is tainted by the fact that
it was never meant for me to begin with.
I'm just a boy and i know too much.
With memories stained as black, crystal tears on my face
I am aware that my presence goes untraced.
Author notes
I'm not really sure what catagory to put this in and there is a story behind it, but i'd rather have people's opinions on it then give my interpretation. S/K Coco Mara
A contest entry
- My first contest (pretty simple you should enter *wink*) by kistoclou.
795 points, ended September 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GO'S EVERYONE WELCOME by Stormy Days.
450 points, ended October 16, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think-it
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hmmm
okay lets just say you were on the line of Charles Dickens writing (read the poem and you'll understand, if you haven't already) It was very deep but very long. Great imagery, but some parts (Charles Dickens) had to much imagery etc. Good points, and sad just don't be like Charles Dickens please. I'm not saying you have to change it but maybe take a few lines out and you'll get honorary mention or higher more than likely, but until then it was ehh because of the imagery and length. -
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I'm glad that you liked the parts that you did like, and i didnt notice any relation to Dickens, but I really appreciate your comment.
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Very nice imagery on this poem. You worked very hard to describe the feelings of rejection this boy felt and you used a wonderful selection of words to do so. There weren't to many errors. mostly I noticed that you didn't capitalize a few I's but there were a few liens that jsut need a quick spelling error.
Though there's no beginning or end, my heart will fallow you forever.
I'm just a boy and I wanted too mcuh
the uwrapped toy in the corner of my vacated, hazy blue room
The word of fallow is a kind of color or a state of being dormant or inactive so i feel you probably meant to say the word follow, if not I apologize for being incorrect. All in all a very good poem to read and I enjoyed the few minutes I spent analyzing your words and descriptions
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Thank you
Thank you very much for your comment,
I really need this kind of comment more often.
I'm glad that you like it. Yeah I meant follow
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This is a beautiful story. I would not even try and rhyme it, just use sentence form .enchanting
I really like it
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thank you for reading
Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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